My Serendipities

I won't be seeing David Cook afterall

2008-07-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever I was going to buy tickets to go see the American Idol tour. I even had a couple of people that would have come with me which made me even more excited! But as you can see I won't be going because no matter how much I love David Cook I will not spend that much money for tickets.

I refuse to sit in the 300 section because it's so incredibly high and steep and I don't like heights. The 200 section is ok to sit in but you don't get that great of a view, it's still pretty far away. Section 100 MUST come with a half-hour make out session with David himself if I'm going to pay $260 to $320 for a seat. Then maybe it would be worth it depending on what kind of kisser he is and how soft his beard is. Besides, I'd have to sit through all the other preformers for that price too. Nah.

So, I'll just have to you tube him over and over and just pretend I'm there in person.

:)

Paying extra for health

2008-07-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's been a few months now that I've realized I don't like french fries. The very last one I ate was about 5 or 6 weeks ago and as I was chewing it my thought was "No, still don't like them." So a fry hasn't crossed these chapped lips since.

The problem I'm having is substituting them. Most places charge $1 to $2 to substitute a salad for the fries and the majority of the time the salad isn't worth that. Usually it's just bagged iceberg lettuce with some tomato pieces and two slices of cucumber. Hell, I can make weeks worth of dinner salads at home for about four bucks! What a rip off!

This weekend, for instance, one of the restaurants we went to has wonderfully fried fish, but of course it comes with 'chips' and the meal costs $16. I would have had to pay an extra dollar for a salad. What?? For a meal that expensive I should be able to have a salad instead of fries if I want! Fortunately my SIL watches her weight and shared her fish with me and I just ordered a dinner salad. That combo worked perfect for me.

It irritates me that I have to pay more if I want to eat healthier. I think that healthier options should not cost more because in reality it would probably cost the restaurant less if I had a 50 cent salad instead of having to fry up and waste some pre-bought potatoes. It doesn't make sense!

I just thought of something; I wonder how much it is to SUBSTITUTE a salad and how much it is to ADD a salad. I'll have to ask next time I go out because if it's a dollar or two for either then give me the fries, I won't eat them and the restaurant will be out that cost. It will add up!

Hmm, that's an interesting thought.

Weekend Get Away

2008-06-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

We got to get away last weekend for a trip to the coast. We had planned it about two months ago but we couldn't have picked a better weekend. The weather was just gorgeous!! I'm a bit burned but other than that it's just too wonderful to complain about.

We left on Thursday after E got home from work. I drove and was a bit scared because we had our bikes on the bike rack we bought. It's not a very sturdy rack, or it seemed it wasn't but it did great for the trip. We arrived at the condo that my MIL had rented and looked around, it was so awesome! We've stayed in some pretty nice places in our price range and have been lucky enough to know people to get a deal on a couple of great places to stay but this place was WAY out of our price range and, wow, it was super nice! It was basically a newer duplex with three bath, 2.5 bath, and all the amenities including not only being on a river, but a view of the ocean. The master bed/bath was made up so pretty, I wanted to take it for my own, but instead we stayed in the bedroom that had a double bed and a little twin for D. I slept on the twin the first night but the next two nights he was so worn out and had to be carried to bed where he stayed all night. Of course there was nothing E and I could do, being that we weren't alone, but it was nice to just be sleeping with the one I love.

We all went grocery shopping and ran around town the next day (Friday) and went to the ocean where D and my MIL made me a sand and shell birthday cake and me and E went into the water as far as we dared which happened to be almost up to my waist. I'd never been in the ocean that deep and E hadn't been in it for over a decade (we've been together for 10 years and I've NEVER seen him in water over his ankles) and we played like kids; holding hands, running into the waves and laughing our heads off, it was so fun. My SIL came in about 8 'o clock and they sang "Happy Birthday" to me and gave me presents. My MIL made me a pine apple up side down cake (my very fave) and I was so touched because even though I didn't want this weekend trip to be about 'me and my birthday' they included it anyway. They are truly my family.

Saturday was Bike Riding in the Heat Day and was so fun. We went to a local national park and rode around for miles and hours, had lunch at a family favorite restaurant then went back to the town where E's from and decided to bike the new bike trail they put in. That's where I hit a snag. You bike a little way then all of a sudden you need to bike on the trolley tracks for a little bit to get across part of the river then you can get on the bike path again. OH HELL NO!! I don't like crossing the RR tracks in my car, let alone ride the tracks on my bike!! I was second in line after E and wouldn't budge. One by one everyone else went around me and braved the tracks. I was left all alone. At first I was pissed; how dare E take D on those tracks? What if something bad would have happened? I would never forgive him! I rode my bike back to the car and sat there drinking my water, fuming. But it only took a minute for my anger and fear to subside and I realized that they had made it and were ok and I was over here in micro brew heaven! And I was right next door to a little pub! I decided that if nobody came back within the next 10 minutes I would go have me a beer. I was looking for a safe place for my bike when lo and behold there was E coming to get me. Yay and drat all at the same time! He showed me a way to get to the trail by using a couple of blocks of the street. Then we were on our way through town, everyone pointing and telling a story of what happened there. We did stop at a brew pub, I had a lemonade to cool off and we rode back to the cars safely. I started out last but in the end kicked ass and got to the car first. Go me!

Sunday was the last day there, we went to the farmers market and then said our goodbyes to head home. In the end my in-laws let us 'kids' pay for NOTHING! Not even a night's stay at the condo, or dinner (fortunately I saw that coming and kept the place as neat as a pin! Thank goodness! The least I could do is clean up.) They spoiled us and I know that we appreciated it! I'm going to send them a Thank You card because that was one of the best times I've ever had on a get away. I've only scratched the surface here because there was so much that happened, so many little things added up, it would take a post as long as my arm to detail it and still it wouldn't be the same as the real life experience.

One thing that came from this is that after a decade of being with E, I truly feel that his family is my own. While I never felt not included, because his family is so nice, I did feel aloof and self-conscience. But now I feel like I can just be me and they'll take my aloofness, dorkiness and silly self as I am and embrace me as one of their own. I love it!

It makes me feel at home.

*FYI, there will be a second part on this, just for milestones in my food and eating. But this wonderfulness needed to be on it's own. :)

OMG, Go Away!!!

2008-06-25T00:03:00.000-07:00

I know what just may be the death of me: Allergies!!!

It's just after midnight and even though I took my second 12 hour Allegra of the day a couple of hours ago I'm having an allergy attack. Damn!

The Allegra usually works great but this year it's taking forever to kick in. Every other year I would take a 12 hour one and it would last all day. This year I've been taking them twice a day faithfully, one in the morning when I wake up and one at night before bed and I still suffer. One day when E mowed I took one earlier in the day and it took SIX HOURS until I had any relief. (The best is when my left eye gets blistered and goes blind. Seriously, I can't see out of it! It's freaky.) The main thing the med has been doing is suppressing my ability to sneeze. So I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll huff and I'll puff and.....no sneeze. I get the tingle in the sinuses, the watery and burning eyes and the runny nose and the sucking in breath, but I never get the final release I need. It's frustrating and horrible!

On Saturday we went for a bike ride at a local park and I rode my bike for about 10 minutes huffing and puffing for a sneeze and it never came. I must have looked like a real doofus with my mouth all open and panting and eyes squeezed shut with tears, hell I'm laughing just thinking of how contorted my face must have looked!

Oh and aside from that I'm also using OTC allergy eye drops a couple times a day. Damn allergies!

There's a couple of things I'm going to try: 1. Natural honey. The local veggie stand around the corner sells three kinds. Clover, wildflower and ... I can't remember the third one right now. I've bought the clover kind and I'm going to faithfully take a big ole spoonful when I take an Allegra. And maybe brew some tea and put it in that too. I hear it helps because it's make of the same pollen that makes people sick with allergies. Natural honey tastes wonderful! It is nothing like the kind you buy at the store in the little bear. I can't describe it but it tastes so fresh. And you can see floaties in it which I will assume (pretend) is the mean pollens that are boosting my histamines, or is it antihistamines? Which ever. If that don't work then I'll 2. use the nasal spray I got from work, but yuck, who wants to be on three meds for allergies?

I'm feeling a little better now, just a small twinge in my left eye and right sinus so maybe I can try to get some rest. I'm praying it will subside soon. Please, God?

If anyone suffers from allergies and has any suggestions to help please let me know. I'll try almost anything!! :)

At the store with the Boo

2008-06-22T01:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes D is just too wild and rebellious for words.

We were at the grocery store to pick up a few things and he was being wild. He wouldn't stay by my side. He kept running away, looking back at me and laughing. "D, get back here" I'd say, or "Look where you're going". And still he kept running and looking back.

A lady turned into the isle coming toward us, happily shopping and minding her own business when all of a sudden (and for a split second I could see what was gonna happen) D slams into the end of her cart, full body on; the side of his head and face and his chest ricocheted off her cart yet pushing her cart into her. The look on his face (because he was facing me, not facing ahead so I got a clear view) was priceless. He went from from laughing to shock in .0000001 second. The impact was LOUD! People from all over the isle turned to look. D landed on his ass and even slid a little.

"OH MY GOD, IS HE OK???" screamed the lady who was pushing the cart. "He's fine" I told her and by this time D has realized what happened and started to whine (noticed I didn't say cry). I picked him up and told him he was ok, but the poor lady wasn't convinced. "I'm so sorry! So sorry!!" she kept saying to me. D would rub his head and scowl and she'd apologise some more telling me how she never saw him and how she hoped he wasn't hurt. By this time she had tears in her eyes and you could tell she wanted to touch him and check him for ouchies but she kept pulling her hands back.

I felt so bad for her! This poor unsuspecting lady just wanted to get some groceries!

I put D down and rubbed the lady's arm, looked her in the eye and said "I'm sorry! He's fine!! It serves him right, he was running and not watching where he was going. He's fine. Are you ok???" She nods and I pat her arm again, grab D's hand and head for check-out. She was sweet and caring and just minding her own business and she was WAY more traumatized by what happened than D was. I was so embarrassed that I had to get out of there.

That happened a few months back and I just realized that since then D has been so much more behaved when we go to the store. He's helpful and stays close to me. Better yet, he doesn't run and act too wild!

Hmmm, maybe sometimes it does take a bash to the head to get the message across!!

Computer suckage

2008-06-17T00:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Computer,

You suck ass. I don't know why you are so tempermental but I wish you'd fucking give it up for a while cuz I'm starting to want to put your ass in the trash.

Thanks, j

Sad

2008-06-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

I just talked to my grandma, yesterday was her birthday and of course I forgot to call. I called her right now as I just remembered and she sounds so tired and old. I asked her how she was feeling and how her birthday went and she could barely answer.

I feel so dumb; I just burst into tears and told her how much I love her. That's all I could say was how much I love her.

I can't stop crying. I'm so very sad.

Other's health, oh and mine too.

2008-06-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

I need to finish picking up so I can take D to see the kids (his words) at the local indoor play place. But I swear that if he gets sick in 42 hours like the last two times we've gone I will call the Health Department. I told E and he just laughed; how do I know it's from the play place? I just have a feeling they may not be the most sanitized place in town. Why take D there then? Because I'm starting to feel bad that he's cooped up in the house all day because it's still raining here. WTH?

Yesterday I took my mom to the airport so she could go to our hometown and visit my grandma. My grandma is very ill and doing worse then we thought possible. I couldn't go visit with my mom because it was such short notice and I couldn't take time off work that quickly. My mom called in tears today because it's not the same lady that was her mom. I'm so sad. And a small part of me is relieved that I didn't go. Selfishly, I don't want to see my feisty-spirited grandma sick and basically dieing. I can't handle that. But what will be bad is that if she does happen to die soon I won't have gotten a chance to give her my last hugs. So I'm torn and heartbroken. I'm just so sad.

I can't think of that right now. It's too hard.

Anyway, it's been a few months since I've thought about dieting and tried Intuitive Eating. I'm not going to say it didn't work because I got a ton from the book. Like, I've learned to eat slower, I've learned to eat what I like, for instance I realized I don't really like french fries and it's OK not to eat them. I've learned that weight fluctuations are normal and not a reason to have a breakdown. For the last three months I've been jumping up and down on the same 10 lbs and while I hate being on the upper end I realize that there has been a reason for the gain: TOM, too much salty fast food, forgetting my BP meds, or just eating too much too many meals in a row. But seeing the numbers go up and down, up and down so many times has made me realize that it's not the number on the scale as much as how I'm feeling.

And I feel bad. I feel unhealthy, tired and just ick. So I've decided that I need to do something about it.

I just have to add that I looked hard at the full body shots of me at D's party and for once I didn't cut myself down. Even though I'm at my almost highest weight in a decade I looked at myself and didn't loathe myself, I just thought that I didn't like the way I looked and could do something about it if I wanted to. And I think I do want to.

Well, I'm off to the land of dirty little children. Happy Wednesday.

4 yr WCC

2008-06-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

I can say I've been busy and truly mean it. More on that on another day.

My little boy is officially FOUR years old!!!!! Doesn't he look thrilled.

Part of the business over the last few weeks was arranging his party then later making his cake (homemade only!) and making sure everyone had a great time. We met at a central Family Fun Center and thankfully they weren't busy. The sun was shining and a slight breeze was blowing so we all played a round of mini golf--boys vs the girls. Who knows who won; we had a blast. Later some of the family, E and D included went on the go-carts.

I think most of the time D was too distracted by the games, noises and the attention to really have a good time. He seemed bewildered and threw too many fits. But in the end he got some great toys and a good nights rest.

Today was his Well Child Check. My not-quite-three-pounder is in the 50 percentile. That's all I ever wanted, just a normal little boy. The only big issue I have with him is constipation but that has been with him since he was born. So he's now old enough to start to add fiber into his diet. Just enough to soften things up and let him go every day, (Dr. A said you eat everyday, you should go everyday) so we'll see. She said he just has a slow digestive system and will probably have this all his life. Poor baby. I know he even knows his struggles with poo poo when he started drawing stick figures with "poo poo in their tummies". So sad.

Then he had to have FIVE shots. Three in one leg, two in the other. I held his hands still as best I could and the little mule almost bucked me off. "STOP HURTING ME!!" he yelled at the nurse, "Sorry Sweetie" she said and she did look sorry. I know how she felt. I hate "poking" children, but it has to be done. It was the first year he really felt his shots and cried big ol tears then brightened at the thought of stickers. What a kid.

All in all he's an average sized wonderful little boy who manages to brighten my day. I'm so thankful that he came into my life, survived, thrived and is here to get into my hair. He's such a blessing...I'm so lucky. My big boy!

What a cake!

2008-05-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

I just read the previous post and laughed out loud.

I'm truly not that bitter about it.

E's birthday was a few weeks back (geez, where in the hell is this year flying off to???) and I made him a birthday cake. He doesn't really eat sweets but he does love him a German Choc Cake. So I decided I'd make one from scratch.

WoW! What a cake! You can find the recipe I used here.

I hate German Chocolate Cake. I don't really like coconut and I think that they are way too sweet and weird. But I made this cake for him and his family and it is truly do die over. YUMMMY!!!! I had two pieces! It's not too sweet, it's got just the right amount of everything. And best of all E said it was in the top five cakes he's ever had (I think it should be in his best two but I'll give him some slack.) Even his mom raved and raved about it. Hell, my mom ate a quarter of it!! That was a damn good cake.

So, if you or your loved one wants a special German Choc Cake, make this one. The recipe may seem daunting, but really it's easy and if you like to bake it is fun to put together.

Where's our stimulus check?

2008-05-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

It was supposed to be deposited on or around the eighth.

We waited and waited and still waited some more, and still no check.

If you are wondering where your stimulus check is, wonder no more; if you had any kind of fees come out of your refund, and even though you had automatic deposit, you get a PAPER CHECK. That will arrive a MONTH LATER!!! (Read the fine print on their website for all the gory details. Ass Hats!)

Thanks Gov't. I needed that.

E paid ALL the bills, even the $350 gas bill (natural gas is better and cheaper, right? Bullshit!) because he kept waiting on the Stimulus Check to come. Me?... Yeah, the Gov't has burned my ass so many times I don't trust them. I kept telling him to wait; Don't count your chicks and all that jazz, but he trusted them, until on Friday a co-worker/friend pointed all this out. He text'd me the 'bad news'. I laughed out loud and refrained from texting back either "Told ya" or "No Shit, Sherlock" or even "Duh" and just said "Oh, I figured it would be late, remeber I told you?"

Whatever, stupid government. You could give me a million dollars and I'd still think you are a dumbass. Too bad it's not a mean name but a true discription.

Friday

2008-05-01T23:36:00.000-07:00

I usually make a long mental list of all the things I want to accomplish for the next day and the next day I barely make a dent. So for tomorrow I only have two things on my list:

~Paint. We got a huge play structure from E's boss and I want to sand it and put some paint on it. I've got a lot of the pieces sanded and now I just need to paint them. I've already started painting but it's seeming like it's taking me forever. So I'm going to try to bust some ass on it tomorrow. D is jonesing to slide ("Slide, Momma, slide on it" as he points to the sad, laying down slide) so I need to finish this up!

~Speaking of busting some ass I need to get a grip on this laundry. OMG! How fast can these clothes pile up?? I'm fine for a while, doing a few loads on a regular basis, then I slow down and they pile faster. Once the pile hits me up to my hip I tend to try to ignore it unless someone needs socks or pants. Then I reluctantly do a load and wait for the next request. But I need to just do it! Admittedly, it's the putting away area that I get stuck at. But not tomorrow, I will finish each step!!

OK, time for bed so I can be refreshed!

My perfect day

2008-04-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

My perfect day would be:

~I would get up kind of early (7ish), jump in the shower, get dressed and get a quick breakfast in, clean up the house and maybe even get in a couple of loads of laundry. D would get up at some point and get breakfast and dressed and then we'd spend the rest of the day having fun, going to the park, library, zoo, biking, farmers market and just enjoy the day and life in general. Evenings would be nice since the house would be picked up and laundry done so I could just relax with E and watch our shows or a movie and snuggle.

INSTEAD OF:

~Getting up way too late (I'm ashamed to admit the time) and be on the computer until way late (I'm so addicted), hit the shower super quick, go to the store for dinner stuff, clean up for about an hour before E gets home, do cooking, laundry and rest of picking up for another hour then have a shitty evening trying to catch up and fit family stuff in. UG.

Is it possible to turn this around? Sometimes I feel like I just need to get it together, quit being lazy and addicted to the Internet and my problems would be solved. Oh, and getting to sleep at a decent hour would help. D would benefit also I'm sure; he'd get out of this damn house and into the world.

Can someone really change? For the better? Is it all just habits that need to be reformed?

I hate the way my life is right now. I really would love for it to be like the first scenario. But I think it would take work and I'm lazy.

:(

Coincident or sympathy pains?

2008-04-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

On Thursday we were having our normal dinner conversation:

E: "D, eat you food."

D: "No Dad, can't eat."

Me: "D, eat your dinner and you can go play with (neighbor kid)."

D: "No Momma, no dinner."

E: "D, just take a bite."

And D does take a big bite of food and starts to wail, hard. He came over to me and after spitting the food in my hand told me "My mouth, Momma." I asked him if he bit his tongue or his cheek and he stuck out his tongue.

He had a chunk hanging from it and it was bleeding profusely. Oh my poor baby!! He cried and cried and I kept blotting his tongue off with a napkin. The rest of his dinner was a Slo-melt Popsicle which I kept having to wipe blood off of. YUCK.

Last night I discovered I had two white, swollen and very hurtful buds at the same area as D's sore. Even right now they are hurting and bothering me. I didn't bite myself or remember irritating that area. But they keep rubbing against my teeth and reminding me of D's flappy chunk of tongue.

How coincidental and weird.

In other news I freaken love my bike, E got one, we got the tandom together and we are having a blast. I will post more on that later...

My ass is sure sore...

2008-04-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

First of all, I don't know why I was so worried about Mr and Mrs Super-Cool-Good Looking, they turned out to be some of the sweetest people I've met in a long time.

Actually, the reason why I was even meeting them was because of an evening wedding and most of E's co-workers were invited. So I met many of them and the ones he works directly with all went out afterwards to a local bar and had drinks. I must say E has some of the nicest, coolest, sweetest co-workers ever. I was ready to turn in my application the next day. I had so much fun and haven't laughed that much in a long time. Sometimes my insecurities get the best of me and make me so miserable when just the opposite happens and all my worrying was for nothing. Go figure.

E bought me a bike! I hadn't been on a bike for about 17 years and he questioned whether or not I'd actually ride it for any amount of time so he got me a used yet nice one. I actually LOVE it!! I rode it for quite a while twice yesterday, with D trying to "get me" on his bike. He did hit my rear tire once and I about freaked out; my life flashing before my eyes, seeing my bloody scull spraying like a watermelon against the curb, but I wound up being fine, although still scared every time he came at me a little too fast.

The only thing is that my butt really hurts so I decided to rest for today. Besides that we are having hellashious winds today and I'm really hating the cold. I thought spring was here! E's birthday is tomorrow and I joked with him that he may not have gotten a White Christmas, he may just get a White Birthday. Sadly, I was a little more serious than joking.

Well, I'm almost done with "Half-Assed", PastaQueen's book so I think I'll do some reading while D is happily coloring. It's the first book I've read in so long, I'm savoring every page.

Happy Wednesday!

I'm the old lady...

2008-04-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

Super, cool, young, good-looking guy (E's friend) is coming over on Thursday bringing his super, cool, young, thin yet busty, pretty, popular and totally awesome wife with him.

I feel so awkward and old and fat and well, old and fat.

Geez, why do these feelings of not being good enough come back when you least expect them?

Oh, and they have a new-in-this-century home while I have a toy filled, dusty, crumby, 35 year old home. Not even my things are good enough.

What's wrong with me?? Why do I feel so crappy over something so significant?

Bringing him home...

2008-04-08T23:07:00.000-07:00

I've been reading baby blogs and reading about the birth and what happens when all that happens. I talked to E about it and got us reminiscing about when Lil D came home...

He'd been in the NICU for about 40 days and we were getting antsy about when he could come home. Traveling one of the worst freeways to get to his hospital every day was gruelling, we would do it of course, and it got tiresome, but there was no way we wouldn't do it. Almost every day I would go to see him and drop off my milk, visit for a while, then nap in the car in the parking garage, then go in to pump milk and visit D and then go home. The nurses found me out and weren't happy that I was traveling and not taking good care of myself (and according to them not producing enough milk) but I couldn't help it, I had to see my baby. It was harder for E because he would visit quite a few days after work and made the day very long; driving together was one thing, but driving so long by ourselves was hard. We would have dinner at the hospital and then come home and just hold each other. We would pack so much into weekends, our private visits then visits with the grandparents, Aunties and friends. It worked but, damn, was it busy!

But we just wanted our boy home.

One Monday the nurse on duty told us that D would be going home the next week. Oh how excited we were!!! We went home and painted his room blue, put together his crib and slept with the window open and bat by our bed (for protection) so the fumes could subside before he came home.

The next day I was told to bring his car seat in for a fitting. The day after that I was told to bring an outfit for him to go home in and a bag for all his things. UH, OK, I guess, I thought, don't I have a week??

Eric came with me on that Saturday (just five days later) for a 'just the three of us' visit. We held D and hugged him and told the nurse on duty we were going out for lunch and would be back soon.

"Well, I don't think you have time" she said, "Your taking him home today, right?"

WTF!!!

I told her it was not until the next week and she told me the schedule was always based on Baby and how Baby was doing and our Baby was ready to go.

"Um OK, I guess." was all I could say. She told us to go to lunch and D would be ready for discharge when we got back. We went to Outb@ck Ste@k House had a Blooomen Onion and chocolate milk shake and just stared at each other. WTF!! Our baby was coming home. "Today??" E kept asking me. "I think so!" I kept replying.

We got back and joked with the nurse that she was coming with us and she laughed and told us that all the parents said that. We were shown how to put him in his safety seat, asked us if we remembered the class we took on preemies and if we remembered how to mix his formula with breast milk. They took a Polaroid pic of us and sent us on our way. I sat in the back with D and E drove down the freeway at 45 miles an hour. It took us about two+ hours to get home.

When we finally got home E gave D his first bottle and I changed him just for practice. We laid him on the sofa between us and marveled at what we had. Our sweet boy was home and we didn't know what the hell we were gonna do next. :)

I've recently seen pictures of when D was so young and still a baby and can't believe it's the same kid I'm trying to get into pre-school, the same kid who picks out his own clothes it the morning or pj's in the night. The same kid who "Really likes blue, Mommy!"

There are days I would love to have more kids, three more actually, if my body would allow, but when I see the miracle that is my son I know I'm fine, wonderful even. And it makes my heart sing.

I'm going to post this for now, but if I will add picture when I come across them.

Dear Little Snot Rag,

2008-04-08T13:58:00.001-07:00

Please don't call me at home with a snotty attitude questioning me on my xrays. Yes, you got a comparison view, yes I did them both on the same film. This makes it easier for the doctor to view both sides at the same time. I've worked with this particular doctor for four years and I know what she wants.

Oh, and I didn't have a blue slip? Shove it. I know you all are used to having everything done on the weekend perfectly because I am a perfectionist. I pride myself that even though I do the work of three people by myself and am usually horrendously busy I always have things done perfectly. One little misplaced paper? Screw you.

~j

Sometimes I really dispise these new little bitches that have come in and act like they are the queens.

Where's everyone? Where am I?

2008-04-07T17:44:00.000-07:00

I get so frustrated when I'm surfing my favorite blogs and no one is updating.

Then again, I never update!

So either I need to find some more blogs to read or turn off my computer and get a life.

Which one is easier?

:)

Sunday night

2008-03-30T23:26:00.000-07:00

My goal for tonight is to not stay up all night. I will go to sleep soon!

This weekend was good, I worked with my very awesome friend and we always have fun. We never get to talk enough during the weekend but it gives us topics to talk about throughout the week.

Oh, I found out today that even though I wish I didn't have to take blood pressure medication, the ones I take are on the $4 prescription list on T@rget and W@lmart. While I'm happy I'll be saving money, I'm still sad I have that health issue.

Speaking of health issues, when I had my yearly exam a few weeks ago, the Nurse Practitioner I see thinks I'm insulin resistant. Just out of curiosity I looked it up and I have so many of the symptoms even down to the skin tags!!! I've noticed the last year or so that I've developed new little skin tags around my breasts and now I wonder if that is what's causing them. Reading about insulin resistance is kind of scary to me because it seems like a precursor to pre-diabetes and diabetes, by the way, has killed two of my great grandmas and my grandma has it now. Grr, it always turns around to my weight and my health. Then the inner turmoil begins.

Well, on that zippy note I'm getting out of here, I need to zone out for a while under the snuggly covers while watching some trash TV before I can sleep.

I hope my two readers have an awesome week!! :)

X's and O's to you!

Favorite Pictures

2008-03-25T02:43:00.000-07:00

At first D would guide us to the water as it was going out. We'd hold hands and walk slowly to the edge.

Then all of a sudden the tide/waves would come in and we would have to run! "Hurry Momma, run" would be yelled at me in a laughting, shrieking voice.
He's so fricken funny. What a great weekend! What a funny, lovely kid we have!

Boo Hoo, Friday Blahs

2008-03-21T15:07:00.000-07:00

~D is sick. Again. I don't know how he got sick, but he's got a sore throat, runny nose, slight fever, cough. Poor baby.

~I'm back to work tomorrow. I've enjoyed having these last weekends off, loving every day doing yard work, snuggling with my lovelies, taking a weekend trip. I don't want to go back. Whaaa!

~We (E) is having Easter dinner tomorrow. He's picked dinner time late in the day so I will hopefully be able to get out early and visit. I havn't done any laundry and the house is messy. I need to get off my ass.

~I think I'm addicted to fast food.

Not to sound like such a wussy...

2008-03-13T16:53:00.000-07:00

Good grief, I'm so tired.

For the last two days I've been getting up as 6:15 in the morning, making E's lunch, getting ready then D ready, dropping him off at my mom's house, then going to work. I try to come home, pick up and make dinner but I'm soooo sleeeepy.

I need to put fondont on my cake for tonight and finish cleaning the kitchen but I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep for a while.

Kudos to you working women out there. This is some hard shit.

Our first "I love you"'s

2008-03-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

For the last year or so when we tell D "I love you" we get "Night night" back. If it was during the day and we were dropping him off he would just get confused and run away.

Tonight I gave D a kiss and then E a kiss and told E that I loved him and D turned to me and said "I Love You" as clear as a bell. E even gasped and looked at me and said "You got the first!" Then D turned to E and said that he loved him! E and I just looked at each other as D snuggled in and popped his thumb into his mouth. He totally doesn't get how big this is!

Awww, what a sweetie. The simplest words are the best!

Just real quick...

2008-03-11T00:15:00.000-07:00

I want to post some pics and tell about our weekend at the coast but it's late and I just have an observation.

I'm still going s-l-o-w on the whole Intuitive Eating thing, but trying to enforce some of the ideas.

For the better part of a decade every time E and I go to the coast we make a point to go out for fish and chips and clam chowder. In the past I put up a front and get a salad with a small cup of chowder and have a small bite of E's fresh fried halibut. Because we all know my husband thinks I eat tiny portions and just I just have a slow metabolism! **sarcasm** Before, I was never satisfied and would still beat myself up for my choices I made.

THIS time I said fuck it, I'm gonna eat what I want. I love fish and chips AND the chowder too!

But Saturday evening D was cranky and not in the mood to behave in a restaurant and we had just had snacks a short time before. I told E that I just wanted to grab a lite dinner and relax the rest of the evening in our room. Honestly I think I surprised him by not jumping at the chance to eat at a restaurant. I know I surprised myself, but wanted to honor my lack of hunger and I told him we could have a special lunch the next day. During that day I would remind myself that I was there to enjoy spending time with my family not just to eat. That would be a fleeting thought then something would happen and eating would be the last thing on my mind.

Here's where the observation of making decisions came in:

We went out for breakfast on Sunday. I ordered the "Farmers Breakfast" that came with biscuits and gravy, hash browns, bacon and scrambled eggs. As I was eating it I realized that I ONLY really wanted the biscuits and gravy and the hash browns. Why just those? Because they are foods I like to have eating out, I don't make those at home and so it's special. I realized this after I had already taken two bites of bacon and two bites of eggs. So I gave D one of my bacon strips and just ate my hash's and most (notice not ALL) of my biscuits and gravy. I was very full when we left but happy that I didn't gorge myself trying to eat all the food that was before me.

Part 2:

After playing on the beach and doing some site seeing we were ready to have our fish and chips and so we went to a little yummy place that we'd been to before.

I bravely ordered the same thing E did: the four piece halibut fish and chips with a salad and garlic bread. We realized when we got our salad that it didn't come with clam chowder so we both ordered our own bowl. They have the most awesome-est salads there and when my chowder came I realized I just wanted a few bites of it. So I gave it to D and he gobbled it all up except for the five spoonful I had. I was satisfied with just a taste, it was sooo good! Then came the main meal. I had discovered about a month ago that I don't love french fries as much as I thought. REALLY!! So as I looked at my huge plate of beautifully fried fish and steamy fries and garlic bread I thought: I can have plain ol' fries and garlic toast any day, that halibut is what I really want! So I just ate 2 pieces of fish and went away not only satisfied but pretty stuffed! I thought I might have to undo my pants on the drive home! :)

We boxed up the rest to go and today ate the left-overs and I'm happy to report I didn't eat a single french fry!! I totally didn't want them! We paired the left-overs with a fresh salad (to dislodged some of the crap we've been eating, as E said) and again I went away feeling good.

I guess it's funny to me that there is food that I'm CHOOSING NOT to eat because I really don't find it appealing. Or because I'd rather have something more enjoyable or special. Or hell, I don't have to eat ALL THE FOOD put in front of me just because it's there!! What a concept!! But choosing what I do want to eat because I WANT to enjoy it and not feel bloated and gross. It's crazy, I tell you, but very liberating!

We had a great weekend and it was such a milestone for me for food wise. It felt good to live and have fun and not focus on food and eating all the time. It was nice.

Ug, I guess I need to get my butt into bed, I work tomorrow/today.

Happy Tuesday!