My perfect day

My perfect day would be:

~I would get up kind of early (7ish), jump in the shower, get dressed and get a quick breakfast in, clean up the house and maybe even get in a couple of loads of laundry. D would get up at some point and get breakfast and dressed and then we'd spend the rest of the day having fun, going to the park, library, zoo, biking, farmers market and just enjoy the day and life in general. Evenings would be nice since the house would be picked up and laundry done so I could just relax with E and watch our shows or a movie and snuggle.

INSTEAD OF:

~Getting up way too late (I'm ashamed to admit the time) and be on the computer until way late (I'm so addicted), hit the shower super quick, go to the store for dinner stuff, clean up for about an hour before E gets home, do cooking, laundry and rest of picking up for another hour then have a shitty evening trying to catch up and fit family stuff in. UG.

Is it possible to turn this around? Sometimes I feel like I just need to get it together, quit being lazy and addicted to the Internet and my problems would be solved. Oh, and getting to sleep at a decent hour would help. D would benefit also I'm sure; he'd get out of this damn house and into the world.

Can someone really change? For the better? Is it all just habits that need to be reformed?

I hate the way my life is right now. I really would love for it to be like the first scenario. But I think it would take work and I'm lazy.

:(

Coincident or sympathy pains?

On Thursday we were having our normal dinner conversation:

E: "D, eat you food."

D: "No Dad, can't eat."

Me: "D, eat your dinner and you can go play with (neighbor kid)."

D: "No Momma, no dinner."

E: "D, just take a bite."

And D does take a big bite of food and starts to wail, hard. He came over to me and after spitting the food in my hand told me "My mouth, Momma." I asked him if he bit his tongue or his cheek and he stuck out his tongue.

He had a chunk hanging from it and it was bleeding profusely. Oh my poor baby!! He cried and cried and I kept blotting his tongue off with a napkin. The rest of his dinner was a Slo-melt Popsicle which I kept having to wipe blood off of. YUCK.

Last night I discovered I had two white, swollen and very hurtful buds at the same area as D's sore. Even right now they are hurting and bothering me. I didn't bite myself or remember irritating that area. But they keep rubbing against my teeth and reminding me of D's flappy chunk of tongue.

How coincidental and weird.

In other news I freaken love my bike, E got one, we got the tandom together and we are having a blast. I will post more on that later...

My ass is sure sore...

First of all, I don't know why I was so worried about Mr and Mrs Super-Cool-Good Looking, they turned out to be some of the sweetest people I've met in a long time.

Actually, the reason why I was even meeting them was because of an evening wedding and most of E's co-workers were invited. So I met many of them and the ones he works directly with all went out afterwards to a local bar and had drinks. I must say E has some of the nicest, coolest, sweetest co-workers ever. I was ready to turn in my application the next day. I had so much fun and haven't laughed that much in a long time. Sometimes my insecurities get the best of me and make me so miserable when just the opposite happens and all my worrying was for nothing. Go figure.

E bought me a bike! I hadn't been on a bike for about 17 years and he questioned whether or not I'd actually ride it for any amount of time so he got me a used yet nice one. I actually LOVE it!! I rode it for quite a while twice yesterday, with D trying to "get me" on his bike. He did hit my rear tire once and I about freaked out; my life flashing before my eyes, seeing my bloody scull spraying like a watermelon against the curb, but I wound up being fine, although still scared every time he came at me a little too fast.

The only thing is that my butt really hurts so I decided to rest for today. Besides that we are having hellashious winds today and I'm really hating the cold. I thought spring was here! E's birthday is tomorrow and I joked with him that he may not have gotten a White Christmas, he may just get a White Birthday. Sadly, I was a little more serious than joking.

Well, I'm almost done with "Half-Assed", PastaQueen's book so I think I'll do some reading while D is happily coloring. It's the first book I've read in so long, I'm savoring every page.

Happy Wednesday!

I'm the old lady...

Super, cool, young, good-looking guy (E's friend) is coming over on Thursday bringing his super, cool, young, thin yet busty, pretty, popular and totally awesome wife with him.

I feel so awkward and old and fat and well, old and fat.

Geez, why do these feelings of not being good enough come back when you least expect them?

Oh, and they have a new-in-this-century home while I have a toy filled, dusty, crumby, 35 year old home. Not even my things are good enough.

What's wrong with me?? Why do I feel so crappy over something so significant?

Bringing him home...

I've been reading baby blogs and reading about the birth and what happens when all that happens. I talked to E about it and got us reminiscing about when Lil D came home...

He'd been in the NICU for about 40 days and we were getting antsy about when he could come home. Traveling one of the worst freeways to get to his hospital every day was gruelling, we would do it of course, and it got tiresome, but there was no way we wouldn't do it. Almost every day I would go to see him and drop off my milk, visit for a while, then nap in the car in the parking garage, then go in to pump milk and visit D and then go home. The nurses found me out and weren't happy that I was traveling and not taking good care of myself (and according to them not producing enough milk) but I couldn't help it, I had to see my baby. It was harder for E because he would visit quite a few days after work and made the day very long; driving together was one thing, but driving so long by ourselves was hard. We would have dinner at the hospital and then come home and just hold each other. We would pack so much into weekends, our private visits then visits with the grandparents, Aunties and friends. It worked but, damn, was it busy!

But we just wanted our boy home.

One Monday the nurse on duty told us that D would be going home the next week. Oh how excited we were!!! We went home and painted his room blue, put together his crib and slept with the window open and bat by our bed (for protection) so the fumes could subside before he came home.

The next day I was told to bring his car seat in for a fitting. The day after that I was told to bring an outfit for him to go home in and a bag for all his things. UH, OK, I guess, I thought, don't I have a week??

Eric came with me on that Saturday (just five days later) for a 'just the three of us' visit. We held D and hugged him and told the nurse on duty we were going out for lunch and would be back soon.

"Well, I don't think you have time" she said, "Your taking him home today, right?"

WTF!!!

I told her it was not until the next week and she told me the schedule was always based on Baby and how Baby was doing and our Baby was ready to go.

"Um OK, I guess." was all I could say. She told us to go to lunch and D would be ready for discharge when we got back. We went to Outb@ck Ste@k House had a Blooomen Onion and chocolate milk shake and just stared at each other. WTF!! Our baby was coming home. "Today??" E kept asking me. "I think so!" I kept replying.

We got back and joked with the nurse that she was coming with us and she laughed and told us that all the parents said that. We were shown how to put him in his safety seat, asked us if we remembered the class we took on preemies and if we remembered how to mix his formula with breast milk. They took a Polaroid pic of us and sent us on our way. I sat in the back with D and E drove down the freeway at 45 miles an hour. It took us about two+ hours to get home.

When we finally got home E gave D his first bottle and I changed him just for practice. We laid him on the sofa between us and marveled at what we had. Our sweet boy was home and we didn't know what the hell we were gonna do next. :)

I've recently seen pictures of when D was so young and still a baby and can't believe it's the same kid I'm trying to get into pre-school, the same kid who picks out his own clothes it the morning or pj's in the night. The same kid who "Really likes blue, Mommy!"

There are days I would love to have more kids, three more actually, if my body would allow, but when I see the miracle that is my son I know I'm fine, wonderful even. And it makes my heart sing.


I'm going to post this for now, but if I will add picture when I come across them.

Dear Little Snot Rag,

Please don't call me at home with a snotty attitude questioning me on my xrays. Yes, you got a comparison view, yes I did them both on the same film. This makes it easier for the doctor to view both sides at the same time. I've worked with this particular doctor for four years and I know what she wants.

Oh, and I didn't have a blue slip? Shove it. I know you all are used to having everything done on the weekend perfectly because I am a perfectionist. I pride myself that even though I do the work of three people by myself and am usually horrendously busy I always have things done perfectly. One little misplaced paper? Screw you.

~j

Sometimes I really dispise these new little bitches that have come in and act like they are the queens.

Where's everyone? Where am I?

I get so frustrated when I'm surfing my favorite blogs and no one is updating.

Then again, I never update!

So either I need to find some more blogs to read or turn off my computer and get a life.

Which one is easier?

:)