Sunday night

My goal for tonight is to not stay up all night. I will go to sleep soon!

This weekend was good, I worked with my very awesome friend and we always have fun. We never get to talk enough during the weekend but it gives us topics to talk about throughout the week.

Oh, I found out today that even though I wish I didn't have to take blood pressure medication, the ones I take are on the $4 prescription list on T@rget and W@lmart. While I'm happy I'll be saving money, I'm still sad I have that health issue.


Speaking of health issues, when I had my yearly exam a few weeks ago, the Nurse Practitioner I see thinks I'm insulin resistant. Just out of curiosity I looked it up and I have so many of the symptoms even down to the skin tags!!! I've noticed the last year or so that I've developed new little skin tags around my breasts and now I wonder if that is what's causing them. Reading about insulin resistance is kind of scary to me because it seems like a precursor to pre-diabetes and diabetes, by the way, has killed two of my great grandmas and my grandma has it now. Grr, it always turns around to my weight and my health. Then the inner turmoil begins.

Well, on that zippy note I'm getting out of here, I need to zone out for a while under the snuggly covers while watching some trash TV before I can sleep.

I hope my two readers have an awesome week!! :)

X's and O's to you!

Favorite Pictures

At first D would guide us to the water as it was going out. We'd hold hands and walk slowly to the edge.

Then all of a sudden the tide/waves would come in and we would have to run! "Hurry Momma, run" would be yelled at me in a laughting, shrieking voice.
He's so fricken funny. What a great weekend! What a funny, lovely kid we have!

Boo Hoo, Friday Blahs

~D is sick. Again. I don't know how he got sick, but he's got a sore throat, runny nose, slight fever, cough. Poor baby.

~I'm back to work tomorrow. I've enjoyed having these last weekends off, loving every day doing yard work, snuggling with my lovelies, taking a weekend trip. I don't want to go back. Whaaa!

~We (E) is having Easter dinner tomorrow. He's picked dinner time late in the day so I will hopefully be able to get out early and visit. I havn't done any laundry and the house is messy. I need to get off my ass.

~I think I'm addicted to fast food.

Not to sound like such a wussy...

Good grief, I'm so tired.

For the last two days I've been getting up as 6:15 in the morning, making E's lunch, getting ready then D ready, dropping him off at my mom's house, then going to work. I try to come home, pick up and make dinner but I'm soooo sleeeepy.

I need to put fondont on my cake for tonight and finish cleaning the kitchen but I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep for a while.

Kudos to you working women out there. This is some hard shit.

Our first "I love you"'s

For the last year or so when we tell D "I love you" we get "Night night" back. If it was during the day and we were dropping him off he would just get confused and run away.

Tonight I gave D a kiss and then E a kiss and told E that I loved him and D turned to me and said "I Love You" as clear as a bell. E even gasped and looked at me and said "You got the first!" Then D turned to E and said that he loved him! E and I just looked at each other as D snuggled in and popped his thumb into his mouth. He totally doesn't get how big this is!

Awww, what a sweetie. The simplest words are the best!

Just real quick...

I want to post some pics and tell about our weekend at the coast but it's late and I just have an observation.

I'm still going s-l-o-w on the whole Intuitive Eating thing, but trying to enforce some of the ideas.

For the better part of a decade every time E and I go to the coast we make a point to go out for fish and chips and clam chowder. In the past I put up a front and get a salad with a small cup of chowder and have a small bite of E's fresh fried halibut. Because we all know my husband thinks I eat tiny portions and just I just have a slow metabolism! **sarcasm** Before, I was never satisfied and would still beat myself up for my choices I made.

THIS time I said fuck it, I'm gonna eat what I want. I love fish and chips AND the chowder too!

But Saturday evening D was cranky and not in the mood to behave in a restaurant and we had just had snacks a short time before. I told E that I just wanted to grab a lite dinner and relax the rest of the evening in our room. Honestly I think I surprised him by not jumping at the chance to eat at a restaurant. I know I surprised myself, but wanted to honor my lack of hunger and I told him we could have a special lunch the next day. During that day I would remind myself that I was there to enjoy spending time with my family not just to eat. That would be a fleeting thought then something would happen and eating would be the last thing on my mind.

Here's where the observation of making decisions came in:

We went out for breakfast on Sunday. I ordered the "Farmers Breakfast" that came with biscuits and gravy, hash browns, bacon and scrambled eggs. As I was eating it I realized that I ONLY really wanted the biscuits and gravy and the hash browns. Why just those? Because they are foods I like to have eating out, I don't make those at home and so it's special. I realized this after I had already taken two bites of bacon and two bites of eggs. So I gave D one of my bacon strips and just ate my hash's and most (notice not ALL) of my biscuits and gravy. I was very full when we left but happy that I didn't gorge myself trying to eat all the food that was before me.

Part 2:

After playing on the beach and doing some site seeing we were ready to have our fish and chips and so we went to a little yummy place that we'd been to before.

I bravely ordered the same thing E did: the four piece halibut fish and chips with a salad and garlic bread. We realized when we got our salad that it didn't come with clam chowder so we both ordered our own bowl. They have the most awesome-est salads there and when my chowder came I realized I just wanted a few bites of it. So I gave it to D and he gobbled it all up except for the five spoonful I had. I was satisfied with just a taste, it was sooo good! Then came the main meal. I had discovered about a month ago that I don't love french fries as much as I thought. REALLY!! So as I looked at my huge plate of beautifully fried fish and steamy fries and garlic bread I thought: I can have plain ol' fries and garlic toast any day, that halibut is what I really want! So I just ate 2 pieces of fish and went away not only satisfied but pretty stuffed! I thought I might have to undo my pants on the drive home! :)

We boxed up the rest to go and today ate the left-overs and I'm happy to report I didn't eat a single french fry!! I totally didn't want them! We paired the left-overs with a fresh salad (to dislodged some of the crap we've been eating, as E said) and again I went away feeling good.

I guess it's funny to me that there is food that I'm CHOOSING NOT to eat because I really don't find it appealing. Or because I'd rather have something more enjoyable or special. Or hell, I don't have to eat ALL THE FOOD put in front of me just because it's there!! What a concept!! But choosing what I do want to eat because I WANT to enjoy it and not feel bloated and gross. It's crazy, I tell you, but very liberating!

We had a great weekend and it was such a milestone for me for food wise. It felt good to live and have fun and not focus on food and eating all the time. It was nice.

Ug, I guess I need to get my butt into bed, I work tomorrow/today.

Happy Tuesday!

Oh Dammit to Hell

The other day I nabbed a totally cute tote bag from Sarah and I didn't realize E's paypal account defaulted to our old address which is over three years old. This shit always happens to me. I'm so irritated.

Sorry, Sarah. I'm a dork. But to place some blame on paypal, why didn't they even ask me to verify my address?

My knee has been killing me these last three days. I'm sick of vicodin. If I take enough to kill the pain it makes me tweak out and itch. I look like a junkie!! I'm sure that won't go over too well at the Kidz Clubb play group. :)

I'm going to be looking into a pre-school for D. I hear they fill up fast so I'm going to go see one tomorrow. It's a bit far but I hear good things. We'll see.

Well, good night and I'll cross my fingers that everything works out.

Then there's this other lady...

There is this blog I rarely read. I'll usually read it every few months when I'm bored. I read it the other day and have been sad ever since.

She's had her older children taken away from her.

She's heavier than I am.

She's extremely ill with diseases and takes many, many medicines.

They can't afford a house on their own and so she and her husband live where they can.

A few months ago she got her IUD out and not even four weeks later she learns she's pregnant. WTH!!!

Yes, as bitchy and rotten as it sounds I'm envious. I've had my IUD out for 20 months and can't seem to get pregnant.

It's moments like these that I really, really need to count my blessings. Envy will only make me bitter and I don't want to be bitter.