I'm a shitty mom and it makes me cry

My dear, sweet, loving son flinches when I'm pissed. Why? Because I can't keep my damn cool and I have run out of patience. It isn't his fault at all, I mean, he is working my last nerve lately, but I'm an adult yet I act just as childish as he does.

Part of it is because E has been so wishy-washy about having another child. It breaks my heart because I don't want D to be an only child so I think I'm taking it out on D. That's horrible and unfair and just a damn shitty thing to do.

I should be loving that little guy not losing my cool every time he makes a mess or whines about something. He's three. The one I really want to lose my cool to is so eager to fight back that I can't stand to bring it up.

Sorry D, I love you.

Dear God,

Please give me patience and strength to put up with a three year old. I love him so much it swells my heart and I'm sad that I frighten him. I don't want to be that kind of mom. Please let me be the best mom I can be.

Amen, ~j

Blanket

Little Boo came home today! Yay! He had such a fun time with his cousin. And Little Cousin is sooo, sooo cute. He came up to me and let me hug him. He laid his little head on my shoulder. What a sweetie pie! I think I'm going to take Boo to visit him again this week. They play so well together.

BUT, this is the second time that he has returned home from my dad's house with out his one and only favorite blanket. The last time it happened he cried all night and wouldn't sleep. He just kept crying out "Blanket, blanket". I can't remember how the night ended, but we have done our best to not let it happen again.

Well what do you know?? They forgot the blanket!!!!!!! Good grief!! Did they not remember the last time?

So, I have been making another baby blanket for a while. I only have the body done, not the edging and we 'tricked' Boo into using it. At first we tried to just give it to him. He would throw it back and say "No! Blanket?" (looking for his), and we would explain to him that his blanket was still at grandpa's house. He wouldn't have it so I got an idea; I grabbed the blanket and told him it was mine ("See, this is Momma's blanket!"). I snuggled it and wrapped it around my neck. I did that for about a half an hour. When he went to bed and asked for his blanket I explained again it was a grandpa's and he could use 'mine' and laid it next to him. At first he said no but as I was leaving the room he grabbed it, wrapped his fingers thru it and turned over. I think he was OK with 'borrowing' my blanket. My dad will be dropping off in the morning as he passes thru our town on the way to work. Thank goodness!!

Ha, reverse physiology does work. Even on a three year old!

E only has to work two days this week. Monday and Tuesday. Then we have the rest of the week off together. We have several options of entertainment. That way we don't either just sit around and argue or go shopping because we are bored. Although I'm sure we'll spend a ton of money. Isn't that what holidays and days off are for?

By the way, I'm watching a CSI: Miami rerun. I only usually watch the original, but I"m making an exception tonight because the other thing on TV is sports crap. My question is: Why does David C tilt his head that way? And looks thru the side of his eye? It freaks me out!

Happy Monday.