Fuck Off, Ass Wipe!

I love my husband BUT he has been a complete shit head for a couple of months now. Actually for quite a few months; I've gained too much weight (true, but please point it out nicely!) and I am not a clean freak like my mom or my Auntie Becky.

My mom and Auntie had at least trained their hubbies to pick up after their selves and not be slobs. My mom was harder on us and had a shit fit when ANYTHING was out of order. My uncle was good to clean up a mess or two and not complain and my cousin was the neatest of kids. Also the neediest.

Eric (hubby) is a SLOB. But he doesn't see any of his own messes but everything else that is out of order. (Screw you.) I have to pick up your beer cans (tons of them!!) shoes, socks, figure out if you only wore a shirt half day, and find your fucking lounge pants cuz you only wear them for a 'while'.

However if he has to pick up a glass and put it in the dishwasher he has to let me know, "Oh, look at me, I put three things in the dishwasher, "I am so GREAT AND SHOULD BE WORSHIPED!" Bugger off, ass! Same with not having a perfectly clean house. I have a three year old hanging off of me that I DON'T NEGLECT TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN!!!! Eric always asks me where I "lost the clean gene". When I had a kid it went up your ass! Screw you.

I grew up in HELL. If I or Bro or Dad made a mess and didn't clean to my Mom standards she would release hell (sceaming, crying guilt, we're not worthy!) on us. Same as my Auntie would put on my uncle and cousin and same with my mom and her sibs (Love You, Grandma, but you were mean, even when I lived with you!). Does E want that?? Please, I would love to raz him anytime!! Bring it, Bro!!

OK, why not. I will clean and bust my ass and when E leaves a fucking beer can, I will hoot and holler like a fricken alarm! Let his ass know he's in the WRONG and he CAN'T have anything out of order!!!!!!!!!

As for my weight; say what you want. I hate it too, but fuck off ass wipe. When I decide to get thin you won't be hitting this cuz you're a dumb ass and don't deserve any of this. Too bad!!

Oh and by the way...

I hate looking up to your bald, crusty head when we have sex.

Blech!

HAHA, you are not perfect, Butthole!!!

I'm done being NICE!!!!!!!!!!

He's won new parents: Rob and Laura Petrie

D has won the bedtime war. Where my BFF's (Coleen) children go to bed at 7:30 on the spot (lucky girl), D will not go to bed unless we do and we have been stupid enough to allow it. It has gotten to the point where he will only sleep with one of us.

Before a few months ago when we got our keys stolen and E borrowed a GUN from his friend for protection, D was not only going to bed in his own bed but staying there all night. It took a while to make it happen but he was going to bed in his own bed and we were thinking about buying him a 'big boy' bed. But all that was lost; E wanted him in our bed while E slept in the front room 'just in case' and didn't want to shoot me or D while we were wondering around. (I remember waking up one morning so thirsty but worried I'd whined up dead!) Now D can't go into his room and sleep there. Thanks Fucking Thieves, not only did you steal our safety, but our sanity. Assholes!

Because our bed is just a queen and I snore like a bear (remember the swollen uvula?) E has been sleeping in the office on the futon and I luckily get the bed. E wants D to go to sleep early so he's been taking him in with him. So I get the whole bed to myself. Lucky me. I spread out like a star fish.

But I miss the snuggles and the knee jabs and the sheet hogs.

Sometimes the bed is too big for even me.

I'm not worried about potty training (off topic, I know) I'm more worried about when a child stops sleeping with their parents.

I'm more worried about bed training. Maybe I'll Google it. I need this to be resolved or before I know it E and I will be taking separate vacations. Unacceptable!

Any ideas on getting the little one to his own bed once again? I'd love the advice!

Still going and sad sex drive...

...Oh, and a bad, bad back.

Yes, my mom is still moving back to AZ. She said that she prayed and prayed over it and that is where God has called her. OK, I can be understanding but I still feel sad that she will be missing out on little D growing up. She stayed the night on Friday and we talked about it and all this time I tried to be made of steel but at about 1:30 in the morning I just started crying in my pillow. I WILL miss her, Boo will miss her and dammit, I want her here.

But, I have put a lot of thought into this; 1)A lot of people don't live close to their moms and are just fine, 2)My MIL told me twice that she would love to be my surrogate mom and I believe her, 3)My dad has been so supportive and sweet and thinks my mom is nuts for leaving. He assured me he'll never leave D. Or me.

I have no sex drive because I'm too fat. That makes me even more self conscience so I really need to lose weight. I miss sex.

My damn back is getting bad. It was just my neck at first, but now all along my spine the muscles are in knots. I've asked for a massage for my birthday because all the hard core muscle relaxers are not working. So for now I'm crossing my fingers for a 30 minute neck and back massage that will loosen things up. The only problem is that my birthday is a month+ away. Dang!

Happy Wednesday!