A way with words

This is probably the most beautiful post I have ever read. She just has a way with words that makes you feel what she is talking about.

I love being D's mommmy. Just the feeling of love is so overwhelming. I never knew that I could love this little person so much, even when he has me so mad I just look at him and have to catch myself from scooping him up and kissing his big cheeks. These last two years have been so amazing, I wouldn't exchange them for anything!!

Congratulations on the Ovary Family!! They have so many years of joy in store for them!!

Super skinny girls and money issues

I love America*s Next Top Model. I think the only season I missed I caught when VH*1 was having one of their marathons. I always at some point think that I could have given a better picture than some of those girls. I'm even guilty of practicing my 'pose' in front of my mirrored closet, and dammit, I look hot! Ha, but how come when an actual camera gets in my face my double chin sticks out and my right eye looks droopy??? To me anyway :)

Anyway, this cycle all the girls are super skinny. There is not one bootylicous sista bringing some curves. They are all sticks. Oh, well. I'll still watch, but it's always fun routing for the curvy girl.

Our giant check came in and it has been trouble the whole time. When we deposited it yesterday the bank put a five day hold on it. I was pissed but figured that I could get it lifted early. So I called today and they agreed to lift the hold as soon as they verified the funds. The next thing I knew, my bank called me and told me that there was something wrong with the check and it was no good. WHAT!! I could hardly contain myself as I drove home to call the bank who sent us the check. In the meantime I let E know and he just chuckled and blew it off. I was having a hell of a time getting anyone on the line. The next phone call was from E in a slight panic; our bank not only took the check out of our account but took E's paycheck as well and our account was showing as $20,000 OVERDRAWN!!! At this point I had a mini-stroke. It would have been a good laugh to be so overdrawn, because I knew we had to get the whole loan situation situated. Yeah, there is an misunderstanding about the check, get it worked out, but for them to take E's paycheck, which has nothing to do with the money, I was PISSED. No one would call me back and both banks kept "missing each other". Oh, and the twat that was answering our banks phone was rude. She informed me that they were "super busy today and will get to us when we get to us." I seriously considered going over there and punching her. Good thing our bank is a credit union and in a different town.

Needless to say everything is now fine and it is kind of fun looking at our account and seeing such a big amount. Too bad it will be gone within a week; all to bills.

I did take E to get his big 19" flat screen monitor, then a new game to play on his new monitor. After attempting to launch the game he informed me it was a no-go, his video card was too old, so I took him to buy a new one. Why not? The man provides for us, loves us, cuddles us and very rarely gets to buy new gadgets. I'm always swiping my debit card for something useless and he never really complains. I really don't mind him gaming anyway; he usually sets D on his lap and they play, sometimes he lets D work the mouse. It is cute. He pauses it when I come in to give him a kiss, and at least I always know what he's doing and where he is. I'm thankful that he's not at Cheeta's down the street pushing some dollar bills down some hoochie's g-sting.

As I was typing that last sentence I noticed how similar "Cheeta's" is to "cheaters". (That really is a strip club down the street.)

Have a good weekend!

*Edited to add: I spent $300 on groceries today. The only non-food items I bought were shampoo and conditioner. I was following my list closely, almost too terrified to spend any extra, then I figured I might as well stock up on some stuff and I guess I really did. I have never spent that much in my life. E helped me take in the groceries and guessed right-on how much I spent. As we were putting everything away I informed him that I had forgotten some stuff. He just laughed and shook his head. How is it possible, you ask? The cart was heavy and it made me tired so I forgot stuff. How silly!

Erratically Emotional

One minute I'm crying and the next I'm seriously irritated. I'm not sure what is going on, maybe that time of the month? I was hoping that wouldn't happen this month and I would be pregnant.

My neighbor is irritating me; they keep having their son come over use my phone because they won't get a $20 home phone. What if something happens to him and I'm not home? And why doesn't she stop yapping so long on her cell phone so she can lower her bill and afford a home phone? She uses something like 3000 minutes a month and still manages to go over every month. Her bill is in the hundreds of dollars and she laughs about it. I don't thinks it's funny, it's irresponsible.

My mom took that apartment by her church. E asked her if she wanted help moving and she said not to worry, friends at church will help her. Fine, whatever. Yes, I'm irritated about that too.

But lately I'm also crying at the drop of a hat. Not out of hurt, anger or frustration, but because I'm touched. I came across a link for postsecret and I saw the second card with the baby and I burst out in tears, then I got to the bottom where the girl talks about not killing herself? I was sobbing. And I'm not making fun; it really touched me. I don't know if it has to do with growing up and trying not to be so self centered or maybe about being a parent and having this little soul attached to mine, but people's stories touch me different. Things touch me different. I started crying over one of those damn Jetta commercials yesterday. (You know, the ones with the accidents?) What's wrong with me? I'm an emotional mess.

In other news, we are waiting for a home equity line of credit check to come to us. We are getting $21,000 up front and then checks for us to fill out for the remaining. We have so many ideas for the money, but first we are consolidating a bunch of credit cards and bills. We'd like to do something for the house, convert the garage back or blast out the kitchen. I told E to pick out a flat screen monitor for himself and we both agree we need some decent couches. But then today out of the blue I had a really, really crazy idea:

What if I took it all and had weight loss surgery??

Hmmm...

Ooohh, Pretty!!

I just love this template. I have for a long time. I just need to get the side bar and counter fixed and it will be perfect. N(T)U has some cute templates for all kinds of blogs, she was the one I could always count on to have 'girlie' templates without Betty Poop and that kind of crappy-crap.

Anyway, I look pretty and am loving it!

Fevers and Mothers

After I got home from work today, Little One came running at my car as I was pulling into the cul-de-sac, (what a wonderful way to be greeted after work; that smile! that wave! what a cutie!) anyway, I snuggled him and noticed that he was so hot and his cheeks were so rosy red! Once we got in the house I told him to get his blankie because he seemed a bit docile, and he laid on me as I watched my shows and he seemed to get hotter and hotter. I finally called E over from the neighbors house and we took his temp: 102.3. We ran a tepid bath and we snuggled on my bed for a while. The bath didn't work, maybe it was too cold because he just shivered. His temp rose a bit higher and so I gave him some children's tylenol. Usually I would let a fever run, but lately we've had some stories at work about fevers spiking and convolutions. That was the only thing that kept running in my mind. Fortunately that didn't happen, the fever has gone down some and he's sleeping. E said he acted fine all day with the exception of not eating, but some days that's normal. I'll check his throat/mouth in the morning, who knows, maybe it's just his teeth. He still needs some molars to come in. That would be best situation.

*I just went in to check him and he's not hot at all. I gave him the meds at 9:00 and it has been five hours since, now I can rest easy. I don't know why I have the heebie-jeebies, I think sometimes working in urgent care I see a little too much and hear too many stories.*

In other news my mom and step-dad are divorcing. When we were in AZ my mom went back to our old church and got saved all over again. She decided that my step-dad was not the man for her and told him she wanted out. (There is so much that I haven't revealed about their relationship and can't right now, maybe at a different time.) He's ok with it sometimes and then he drinks and gets pissed and yells at my mom so on Friday I offered her to stay with us. She is now staying with us for the time being, but has been approved an apartment close to a sister church where she is going. E is concerned that she won't be able to afford a place to live, car, insurance, utilities all on her own right away and has offered her to stay for a few months or until she gets on her feet. I finally told her today to stay with us but I don't think she will. The church she goes to is really big on support only from people who go there and everyone else is unsupportive no matter how much they love you. That kind of pisses me off and I'm tempted to call my bro, who goes to the same church and let him know I have no ill will against my mom going where ever she wants and I won't bad mouth and disrespect anyone because that is just rude. I just want her to be ok.

I guess in the end it is all on my mom. In a way I hope she stays because I care for her and in another way I think that every woman needs to be on there own. Ha, and we argue too much and it would be nice to have peace!! We'll see tomorrow.

Will she sign a lease or stay here?

Continued...

Just how big should a big boy bed be?

Sleeping at my Aunties house.

Quite the tongue twister, hu?

But in all seriousness, I think D should be getting into a big boy bed, but I'm not quiet sure where to start. His crib turns into a toddler bed, but that seems so small. He hasn't started to jump out of his crib which is when my mommy friends suggested that I make the switch, but he doesn't ever seem upset with being in his crib even, sadly, when I'm too sleepy in the morning and keep him in there too long. In the evening when we put him to bed, he'll sing if he's not tired. Same with nap time; if he's not quite tired or has woken up before we get him he'll sing, make noises or yell "Mama" or "Dada" at the top of his lungs so we'll hear him. But so far he doesn't cry, scream or climb out.

But what if he never climbs out on his own? Is that a realistic milestone to wait for? He seems to do very well at my dad's house in a full sized bed. They have a strict bedtime routine (our routine here is loose) and when it is time for bed he suggles in that big ol' bed and doesn't get out until the morning when my step mom gets him out. Even in AZ he went to bed a couple of the nights in the full sized futon we shared and seemed fine. We actually have an extra full sized bed, maybe a queen actually, but is that too big of a bed? My little 5-year-old cousin sleeps in a full/queen, and albeit it seemed kind of big, she seemed ok in it. When I look at the size of the toddler bed it seems small. I think about what I slept in when I was little and my bro and I shared bunk beds until I was seven, he was four. Then he got both bunk beds in his room and I got a bigger bed.

I know it seems kind of a silly thing to sweat over, but he is not getting any smaller. Every night we put him into that tiny (normal sized) crib, I wonder what to do about his sleeping situation. If anyone has any info to share or opinions, pass them on, please. If I keep thinking about this and not actually do something about this he will be in fifth grade and have to be move to our extra full!

:) Happy Wednesday (Already??)

Didn't Post Yesterday...

I really didn't have anything to say. I felt kind of bad saying that I'm tired of the 9/11 specials and being reminded of it over and over and then I came across someone who seems to feel a little like me. I'm glad that I'm not alone. I just want to move on and enjoy life.

Oh, crap. Yesterday was my bro's wifes birthday. See I guess that does prove life goes on.

It's good to be home!

I came back on Friday but couldn't post due to needing to be at work this weekend.

My trip to AZ was pretty good. I stayed with my aunt and spent a lot of time with my oldest and dearest friend. We have been friends for 25 years now and everytime we get together it feels like time has stood still. We laugh our asses off and gossip about everyone we know, just like old times. I miss her already! And we've talked everyday since I left. What a sweetheart.

The shitty part of the trip was my mom. She was bossy, bitchy, laid guilt trips and was generally annoying. We got in a fight because I told her to stop treating me like an eleven-year-old just because HER mom makes her feel tense. She told me that after we got home she would no longer have contact with me and even though she cares about Dominic, she washes her hands of me. Dramatics!! I didn't apologize, but I did try to make amends and by the end of the trip we were talking again even tho we were on each others nerves.

Eric picked us up from the airport and both D and I couldn't run up to him fast enough! We were all so glad to see each other. There was this...spark when I saw him. He was so handsome and sexy when I saw him. I loved that he texted me when I was gone to tell me how much he missed me. He smiled so big when he saw me. We just kept looking at each other on the drive home and when we got home he gave D a hug and put him to bed immediately. I laid down on our bed because I really was tired, but that didn't last long. Soon I was having the best orgasm I'd had in my life. I still get hot thinking of it.

It does help that I'm letting myself get naked and relaxing with him. I'm not worrying about trying to suck in my flab and wondering what he's thinking. I know what he's thinking because when I look into his eyes I can see that he feels good. I've been literally opening my eyes when we make love and looking at him. I love the look of ecstasy on his face and it's amazing to me that the body I hate so much is giving him such pleasure. It's also amazing to me that he knows just how to pleasure me! He takes the time to put himself in the right position, go as fast or slow as I need and I notice that he looks at me and watches my face to see if he's right. Wow, how lucky I am! I'd heard of women being able to come with penetration and been lucky enough to have little ones but as soon as I said to myself "Fuck it, have fun! He loves me!" good Lord, I'm in the 'Earth Shattering Orgasm' category and loving it. It has been so fun to be home!!

I know, that is quite a lot of personal info, but I just had to share.

It really is good to be home. Now if I could just catch up on this dang laundry...!

:)

See Ya!

I fly out today. I've been strangely nervous for some reason. I don't know if I'll post when I'm gone, but I hope to download some pics when I get back.

I tried to post some pics of D at the fair and dial up sucks! :)

Have a good week!