Hello there! Just some catch-up.

I've kept my word and have stayed away from the computer and the TV (for the most part). I've been playing, and mostly talking to D non-stop for the last week. There is a couple of things that he actually seems to be improving on; reading for one. He will bring a book and let us read it to him. He'll help flip the pages and listen to us read instead of slamming the book closed, throwing it down and running away like he used to. I also think that he is starting to understand orders. Wednesday, after our walk I asked him to take off his coat, he did. Then he kind of just walked around with it and I told him to put it on the chair with mine--and he did it!! Maybe I'm just being a proud Mama, but I think he's getting smarter already!

* * *

In addition to LA weightloss, I have started to count my points. They (LAWL) says they are better because you can eat without counting calories or points. Well, I still haven't lost ANY weight thru LAWL and it is so irritating. I've figured out that I LIKE to know how much I am eating. I like the big picture in front of my eyes; how much I ate, where most of my calories come from, ect. I feel so much more in control when I have numbers. I also don't like how restrictive LAWL is. They are such a limited plan when it comes to food and I really don't like a lot of what they suggest to eat. I do think that they teach a healthy way of eating, but for me that is not enough. I will continue to go to weigh-ins with them, only because once you sign a contract, they have your money. It is a pain in the ass to write down everything I eat into two books, but if that's what I have to do, I'll do it. Since I've been counting points, I haven't seen 240!! (I kept bouncing from 238.5 to 240.5 and it was driving me crazy!!!) Now if the scale will only continue going down...!

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Today was a good day. I went to E's work and he gave me and D a tour. His workplace has grown so much and it has really changed. I saw my old neighbor and forgot how sweet he is. I also met E's boss, she is not like I expected! She's tiny and cute and not as stern as I thought she would be. Every one loved Dominic and he was the hit of the office. What a flirt! I was so apprehensive to go in because I feel so fat and gross and didn't want to embarrass E, but he said I really should go in and I'm glad I did. Sometimes I forget I'm a nice person and not everyone is going to judge me.

I work tonight and this weekend, it's been pretty boring because the x-ray machine is broken, but I'll take a good magazine and that should help the time pass!

Have a great weekend!!!

D is my new Siamese twin (connected my the head)

I know, the title is a bit un-PC.


I'm still married, still living here in the same messy house and still carrying on like normal, well not 'normal', but I'm fine.

This week started off on the wrong foot and just got worse. Monday was such a horribly dark day for me, my anxiety/depression was thru the roof. I don't want to get into what happened but I must say that if my Mom didn't work half days I don't know what would have happened. That was the first day I went back on 'meds' and I sobbed the whole time I tried to choke it down. Lex*apro make me gain 15+ lbs in 2+ months and I worry that Effex*or will do the same. I took it anyway and have taken it for the last three days. I guess we'll see. So far this week is getting progressively better. I partially blame this crappy weather for my shitty attitude, a lot of people feel down right now. So, I can't wait for summer--my best months.

Dominic went to his 18 months WWC on Tuesday. He is actually 19 1/2 months and is doing just wonderful in that age group in everything accept in 'commanding skills'. That is when you tell him to "get the shoe" or "where's your nose", he just doesn't get it. He either ignores us or he says "Nu huh" and shakes his head No. His Dr. noticed that he is way over active and asked me if he's the same way at home, and yes he is. She wants to get Early Child Development involved and I have mixed feelings about that, I already have people telling me how crappy I'm doing during his pre-mee evaluations; do I want more of that? I think I may try it out and see, it is free and maybe we'll get a lot from it. They are there to be there to teach parent and child how to learn and develop and maybe that is what we need. Even E said that he would go (how could I not like such a sweet Daddy?)

I have decided, though, in the meantime, no more TV, no more blog surfing, my whole life from now on, (or until he starts school), will be me and D: reading, puzzles, drawing, discovering and learning until one of us has a brain explosion.

I'm trying to make light of this because I feel like a shitty mom and E is telling me not to be so hard on myself.

Happy Friday, I'll be learning where my toes are!!

Just tired of it all

I don't want to be here anymore--in this house, which is a disaster, or even this marriage, which is also a disaster.

Sometimes I think I will be ok, other times I just want to grab my toothbrush and scram out of here as fast as I can. Most of the time I want to take Dominic with me.

Maybe I'll elaborate more later. If I can muster up the strength.

Rain, work, and my hand

I havn't posted because all I can think of is depressing, sad thoughts. It's because of this never-ending crappy-ass rain. I'm so sick of it. It's just pouring down and it looks like there is no end in sight. I don't want to go out in it, so I've mostly just stayed in, in my little cave of a house (it's so dark in here) and hid, waiting for some sign that this rain will let up.

*sigh*

I went back to work last night. It was ok, I was swamped, actually, and it didn't help that none of the side work was done and jobs weren't finished. How hard is it to file a paper when you are done with it? It takes 1/2 a second, lazy people.

There is one newer person (well, new to our lab/xray, not to the clinic) that they made come to our office because work wasn't getting done at her lab/xray and they have moved her over with us so that she can learn to 'step it up' and become not only fast but efficient. OMG, I know why work wasn't getting done! She is ssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo ssssssssssssslllllllllllooooooooowwwwwwwww. She walks slow, talks slow, and works slow, but not mentally slow, just ho-hum slow! I can't stand people like that. HUSTLE! Things have to get done!! Our Team Leader asked in general if someone could help the other new girl in xray and she just stood there pretending that she either didn't hear or she was busy doing I-don't-know-what and so I just went and helped. I think lazy, slow people are the worst co-workers. They just make the job harder.

*ahem*

Anyway, my left hand is wonderful!!! I'm so glad that I had the CT surgery!!! My first two fingers and thumb actually have feeling and my arm is not on pins and needles at night. At first I would wake up expecting my hand/arm to be painfully asleep and when it wasn't I would just smile and roll over and try to go back to sleep. (I say try because my right hand is still a booger. I'm scheduled for my next surgery on February 24, and it can't get here fast enough). It is so nice to reach for something and be able to feel around without knocking everything off the table, or hold on to something without dropping it three times. Yay! I think that going back to work did help it just a little bit more. I really don't use my hands here at home in a tedious way, and last night when I drew blood I could feel the little muscles in my hand kind of 'give way' and shake off some of that tenderness that was still in there. Did that make any sense?

Here are some pictures. The first one contains stitches, so beware if you have a weak stomach for that kind of thing...






See the 'RZ' on my arm. Dr Z. marked it to make sure that the correct hand was being done. This was after E marked my arm (he was afraid that I would accidentally get a heart transplant) and a nurse marked my arm. I guess that's what it takes to have the correct procedure done! (Remember those stories about the wrong kidneys being removed and the wrong hips being replaced??...)

Happy Friday and have a good weekend!

Me and my big mouth (but a good weekend)

I have a disease, it is called 'Foot in mouth disease'.

Yesterday my younger SIL was moving and had asked that E help her. Of course he said yes and we were off for an hour's drive to her house. I just went along for the ride, basically, since I really can't lift heavy things and someone needed to watch D. When we got there and all the hello hugs were given, my MIL came up and asked me if I wanted to hang out at her house while the others moved. It was actually a fun visit, we talked and played with D and she seemed comfortable around me for once. It was very nice.

She ordered pizza for everyone and we went to SIL's new townhouse. It is new and shiny and pretty. We were all standing around when I noticed that they had the exact same coffee pot that we do. I started to ask how SIL liked it and where she got it and then I asked "How much did you pay for it?" She paid $70 after a coupon. "Oh," I said "We paid $30, we got ours off 'Woot!'" I feel a kick on my hip and E said "Damn, Jae, shut up! Your not supposed to ask stuff like that." Oh, my bad, I didn't realize that it would be so insulting.

A while later, SIL's friend was trying to play with D and for some reason he would not warm up to her. I think that the friend was a little hurt and instead of saying something like 'It's ok, he just needs to warm up to you' I say "He never acts this way towards women!!" Then she looked really hurt. Again, E with the "God, can't you just stop?"

FIMD #3: As we were leaving, my SIL was telling 'Kitty Cat stories'. I can't stand those because my Mom and stepdad will tell hours and hours worth: 'Oh the baby did this...', 'Then Grunion came up and bit my nose!!', 'The kitties were chasing a ball and then they all started to eat and then they came up and snuggled with me on the bed...' Oh my the same stories over and over again. E and I always joke about it and so when his sis started in I jokingly said "I should give you my mom's phone number and you guys can share kitty-cat stories." Except it didn't come out so much jokingly as kind of bitchy.

*sigh*

I feel so dumb when ever I am around her. I'm transported back to my Youth Group days where no matter what I just couldn't fit in. In school, I was well liked, I'd crack jokes, listen to problems, went to parties and had fun and fit in as much as a chubby loud-mouth-yet-super-sweet girl could. In Youth Group my jokes would come off as off-color, my laugh was too loud, my clothes too scummy, my make up too much and my weight was...well, a problem. I was told that I would never find a 'nice church guy to like me if I was too fat'. Eventually I stopped going to Youth Group and started to just hang out with my 'sinner' friends. They were nicer and I felt more comfortable.

That may not be the best comparison, as my SIL isn't a jerk like the Youth Groupies were. But I still feel that inadequacy, not smart enough, not stylish enough, too fat, too loud when I get around my in-laws, especially SIL. I wish that I could just get over it.

Anyway...

My weekend as a whole was pretty good. I forget what it is like to have a free weekend. FUN! I slept in, had weekend sex, visited people that I hadn't seen in forever!

I saw my Best Friend Meg this weekend. She is so great. Friday was her last day as a full time employee and will be working from home everyday but Tuesdays. Yay! That means visits and get togethers, playdates for the kids (she has two kids and D is right smack in between them in age.) So, I am really happy!



We got together with them (kids and hubbies) at Bull*winkles, a play place, and it was a mad house! Kids screaming and running everywhere. D didn't know what to do, I don't think he has ever seen so many kid being wild in one place. Seen he warmed up and started running and screaming himself. It was fun to watch him interact with other kids.

I'm off to see my Mom. She gets off at 1 and it is already 12:30. Wow, this morning has gone my so fast! I better get my butt into the shower!

Happy Monday!!

Can't think of a title!

I can kind of type now. It still hurts a little during certain reaches, but my hand/arm has been so much better. It doesn't wake me up anymore (my right hand still does, tho) so I get 50% more sleep than I used to!!

Christmas was good. Low key and nice. My dad and stepmom came over for brunch and my mom and stepdad came over for dinner (which he cooked). There were stockings and presents and good spirits!







D got mostly clothes (yuck) from the grandparents, and we got him toys. He loves the magnadoodle that we got him and I'm glad to say that he plays with it often! He also likes his shopping cart, although Daddy dissaproves. Too bad!

I got a Bulova watch from E (style number 98T98 if you want to see what it looks like. I couldn't add a picure). I really like it, and can't believe that I got such a great gift. All I got for him was a coat and new lunch box. I'm pretty cheesy, I'll have to make it up to him for his birthday and fathers day.

I have to go and get my stiches taken out today. Yay, the bottom one really bothers me. I'm worried that it will hurt. I was tempted to just take them out myself, but then I got creeped out and decided that it might be best to have someone else do it so I don't have to watch. At my last job I got to take out stitches and staples, it was such fun!! But to have them is icky!

I was supposed to be on track today with my eating, but, I blew it! Arg, will I ever get it right?