Consumed

This 1st year party for D is consuming my life. The planning, changing the menu, shopping, sewing is taking so much time. Next is the baking, cooking and all this on top of a crawling baby that gets into and climbs onto everything. Oh yea, and I'm working this evening, tomorrow and Friday evening and Saturday. Why didn't I take Saturday off? Yikes. I'm so tired.

The dermatologist called me this afternoon and said that D has a low grade staph infection and that it is probably causing the eczema to be so hardy and hard to get rid of. Crap, more meds. I wish this shit would just dry up and go away!!!

WW--bleh! I have not been good, not gone to any meetings because of my business. I need to get on it because my blood pressure is still thru the roof. And I hate being fat!

OK, must get back to sewing table cloths. I miss reading my favorite blogs and the commenting. I hope everyone is doing great!

Go D, Go!

I tried to post this yesterday, but Blogger wouldn't let me.

Dominic is CRAWLING!! He is just zooming around everywhere, getting into everything. Yesterday he crawled over to his phone and I couldn't believe it. I moved his phone to see if he'd do it again and sure enough he went right over to it.

Then when Daddy came home he crawled right over to him and laughed. Later he went to the hall and started to crawl down it then stopped and sat in the middle of it and played. He seems totally happy about himself and gets this adorable smile when he's on the move.

Oh, he's so cute. I just love him and can't believe how much he's grown.

Dammit!

I just realized that I threw away the first thing that D had ever written. When E wrapped my mother's day gift (in christmas wrap, how cute!) he made me a little tag that said "To: Mommy Love: Dominic" and on the tag was 2 tiny lines with a hole near the top of the lines. E told me that he put the pen in D's hand and helped him make the little markings, but D put some pressure on the paper and made the little hole all by himself.

I threw it away!!! I was so busy with just walking in the door and getting things ready for my parents to come over that I blanked it out and tossed the paper and tag in the trash. The trash man came this morning.

And now I'm so sad.

My first Mother's Day

Even though I had to work, my Mother's Day was very nice. My mom and step dad came over on Saturday and showered us with gifts. Clothes and toys, including a huge ducky for Dominic, gift cards to Home Depot for E, and girly stuff for me (two pairs of fancy flip flops, which I love flip flops!! And a new purse, I love purses!!) Dominic (E) got me a couple of sets of craft scissors that cut designs, which I love because I've been wanting to make my own cards and maybe start a scrap book. We had dinner and visited and it was fun.

Sunday I was a little grouchy at work because I had to be there and my main printer was jamming and patients were annoying me but when I got home I was greeted with a kiss and told to put on my jammies and just relax. E had cleaned the house as best as he could, and did a pretty good job I must say. He made us dinner, and even cleaned up the dishes when we were done, while I laid around playing with D and watched America's Next Top Model (I love Tyra, but I'm done with her sherbert colored hair). Then we all snuggled while we watched The Incredibles. It was such a relaxing evening and I felt spoiled. Anything I wanted was brought to me and I didn't lift a finger all night. Hmm, maybe I'll declare every Sunday mothers day!

Dominic has been starting to pull himself up. He tries and tries and is getting closer to standing. He also took a few crawls yesterday and the day before. I notice that he's more mobile when he is half dressed, as his pajamas or pants trip him up. What he does really well now is roll across the room, then pull himself into a sitting position to play, then sees something else he wants, rolls over, sits up and plays. Oh, he's growing so fast!

I'm probably going to skip WW today and go tomorrow. It's rainy and yucky out and I think I just want to stay in today. I weighed myself yesterday at work and it seems that I'm down about 4 lbs, that's pretty good considering that I've not stayed within my points all week. I have no self control in the evenings at work. Every week it's something, one week was providers week, the next was lab appreciation, and last week was nursing week. Good (naughty) food and treats all over the place. There was this wonderful white cake on Thursday and I literally had to take the rest of my piece and smash it in the trash! Oh it was sooo good!

Ok, enough drooling over that cake!!! I need to go finish up D's invitations for his party at the end of the month. I'm a week late getting them out, that's what I get for trying to be creative!

Happy Monday!

Me and D at the Oregon Gardens. 

Jagged little pill

All my life I have had an underlying depression. It runs in my family, so it is only natural that I would be depressed too.

The older I get, the more my depression changes. When I was younger my mood swings were out of hand, literally joyful in one minute, then deep dark depressed the next. Then in my 20's I was just sad. I felt like my life was crappy and I didn't know how to change it. I was lonely and felt like no one understood. I began medication and felt better. Eventually I quit the meds, mostly because I hate taking pills.

Lately I have been feeling slightly anxious, but what's worse is that I fly into fits of rage over the smallest stuff. I'll go about my day and then something will set me off and the next thing I know I'm going absolutely crazy--sobbing, wailing, kicking and screaming, then after that I'm mostly fine until the next day. It comes in a big peek, then that's it.

Yesterday, I decided that it was time for a change. I have a son now that needs to see me be calm and rational, and let me say that I have NEVER directed any of this rage towards him, but he doesn't need to witness any of it, either.

I went to see Dr. Jeff yesterday and first of all my blood pressure is thru the roof. 157/114. OMG, look at that bottom number!! Di, his nurse told me that I would probably have a stroke right there if I didn't relax. HA! Then I explained everything to Dr. Jeff and I think I scared him a little as I couldn't stop sobbing. I just want to get myself right, level headed and rational for my whole family. I hate feeling so out of control, so...CRAZY! It's a horrible feeling.

So, he put me on Lexapro and gave me some sleeping pills for all those nights that my thoughts keep me awake. I started the Lex yesterday and so far just feel a tiny bit sleepy, but I don't know about the sleeping pills. I feel that I need to be cohearent if D should need me in the night. I'll probably just save those. I'm hoping for good results with the Lexapro, althought I worry that anything that alters bad feelings could also alter the good.

Even thought I hate taking pills, I will do anything for the well being of my family. Hopefully this will give me the rational mind I need.

Lucky, you say?

Everyone always tells me how lucky I am to have such a calm and happy baby. And while I would agree for the most part, now that he's getting a little more cranky, it is hard for me to put up with it. I am spoiled by the little angel that he once was. I think that his other eye tooth is coming in and he's been upset for days now. Which upsets me, makes me frustrated and I cry often.

First meeting and the dermatologist

My first WW meeting was pretty good. My weight was exactly what it was when I weighed at the clinic this weekend--236.4--so I wasn't that surprised. Yes, it is true that the scales at the doctors offices will weigh heavier than at home. The difference between my scale and the one at work is about eight pounds. I'm used to it by now.

Anyway, the meeting went fine. There are a lot of elderly people, not surprising since it is held at a senior citizens care home. There were a few gents there with their wives and one man was asleep thru the whole meeting. When it was over his wife sweetly woke him up to leave. It was so cute. A couple of people scowled at me when I wheeled Dominic in, but at the end of the meeting these same people came up to me to tell me how good and sweet he was. I just smiled and said 'Thank you'. I was pretty happy with him too. He may not cry much, but he does get carried away with his 'singing' and at times it can get really loud!! :)

Last time I went to WW I just wanted to lose weight, but this time I want to learn about weight loss and how I can make it a long term success for me. I have an idea of things I want to work on:

*Portion Control. Ex: even though a whole can of Progresso Chicken noodle soup is only 4 points, one serving is only a cup, or half of the can. I need to work on eating just one serving of the food I'm eating and learning what that one serving looks like.

*Feeling Satisfied. I was on the WW boards the other day and people were asking a WW employee about the Core Plan. People were so excited that they could eat "how ever much they wanted!!", and the employee had to keep emphasizing that it is not "how much you want, it is how much you need to feel satisfied". After she said it five or six times it finally sunk in--I don't know what it feels like to be satisfied. I eat and eat until I'm stuffed and sick. So I want to learn to listen to my tummy more closely for that satisfied feeling.

I will work on these couple of things and I hope that it helps me along the way.

* * * * *

I took D to the dermatologist today and she said that he has a slight bacteria on some of his breakout sites. She reassured me that it was pretty common and prescribed an antibiotic cream. Actually two different medication creams and she changed the everyday after-bath creams to Cetaphl and Aquaphor. I need to use both of them. My poor boy is going to be the most greezy, slickery boy on earth! But, hopefully this will help and when we see her in two weeks we will get into the maintenance phase. It pains me that we can't make it go away no matter how hard we try, it's just something that he'll have to grow out of, which I hope he does. Considering that E's side of the family has excema, I'm crossing my fingers. And praying.

Little D and WW

Friday, Dominic went from being on his tummy to a sitting position. When I saw him I couldn't believe my eyes. I cheered him on and he just looked at me all smug, grabbed a toy and laughed in his cute "Heh heh heh" like what he just did was no big thing. He's so cute. He also got tooth #5. He looks a little snaggle toothed, but very sweet just the same. My neighbor is helping me put together a 1st birthday party together and he is the theme. I can't believe that at the end of this month he will be one years old! Time flies.

I, too, have decided to start Weight Watchers again. Tomorrow there is a meeting at noon. I have a different attitude this time and hope it helps.