Terri

Good bye, Terri. I sure you are in a better place now. After 15 years of being a prisioner in your own mind and body, you can run, talk and laugh. You brought an important message to us and made us think about our lives and how we want to live it. You did your job well, now be in peace.

Two fish, one fish, new fish, dead fish

My husband had always wanted some fish, so for christmas of '01 I got him a small tank. He was so excited and went out and bought a couple of oscars. They promptly grew out of the 10 gallon tank within three months and we put them in a 30 gallon tank thinking that would be big enough.

About six months later E was visiting a friend for the evening and I was sitting in the living room watching TV when a ruckus in the tank caught my eye. Right before my eyes the bigger of the two oscars was literally eating the smaller one! It was quite scarry and I called E in a panic. I grabbed a net and held the bigger one back until E came home. We bought a divider and kept them apart but that made the tank too small for either of them and E made the decision to let one go. He asked me to do it as he couldn't stand to kill a pet of his, so I found the most humane way I could kill a huge fish and cried the whole time. He was still in our deep freezer when we moved into our house about 18 months later. Eww, I know!

The surviving fish, Sargent, or as we would call him: Sarge, was quite the character. He would play dead--float in the tank and then when you weren't within his sight he would happily swim around. He loved women, especially my mom and he would just stare in her direction when she was visiting. He loved to eat hotdogs and ham and cheese and feeder fish, (but I put a stop to the feeder fish, that just grossed me out to watch that torture) and once he tried to bite my finger. At 10 inches long he was a conversation starter and kids just loved watching him swim in his tank.

When Dominic came along Sarge got put on the back burner and more and more neglected. He needed more attention then he was given and on Christmas morning E came to me looking very sad. Sarge had died and he didn't notice. He still feels bad about it.

The two feeder fish that were left over in the smaller tank got moved to the big tank. I have this idea to fix up the tank to look really cool now that we can have fish that won't destroy everything. I think fish tanks can be beautiful looking and I love where ours is. So yesterday I went out and bought two sucker fish, a black molly and a white fish that caught my eye. We cleaned the tank and put the bubblers in it. It looked great glowing in our front room.

However, this morning when I got up the molly and big sucker fish were DEAD!! And the other sucker fish is missing!! (This is the third fish that we've had that has just dissapeared!) I don't understand what happened and I'm at a loss. E wants to get rid of the tank all together and maybe this is a sign. But I want a tank so I think I will take them back and try one more time.

I have this awesome ability to kill every plant that enters my house and now fish?? At this point I know that I will never try to get a larger animal, like a dog!!

Happy Tuesday.

Crackers

Dominic ate his first cracker yesterday. It was so sweet watching him discover that the thing he was chewing on actually broke apart and Mama wasn't going to yank it out of his hands and say "No!". He sat there chipping it apart with his two teeth and gumming the little chunks looking at the cracker then us with his wide beautiful eyes. What a doll!

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Tuesday I went to my new friend C's house for a visit. She is the one that I met thru work and used to be the VP to the MOM'S club here in town. It was a nice visit, but I feel like I was a little boring. I always do that--go thru the situation in my mind afterwards and belittle my self, telling myself how dumb I was for saying this or that, or wondering why I did what I did instead of something else. I talked to E about it and he said that I'm too hard on myself, it probably went fine in her eyes.

My self confidence is usually ok until I get into a social situation, then it just plummets. It's not just about my weight either; it's about how smart I am. I'm no dummy, but when I get around other people, especially other women I feel like I have nothing to say or contribute, I feel like I'm dumb, my interests are dumb, my skills are dumb. I get tongue tied and lose my train of thought easily. I wish I did have more self confidence because I really want friends. I really like the people I meet and wish that I could easily be friendly without getting so nervous. I need to get out of this shell, because I notice I feel more and more suffocated by it then protected.

Hmm, that got a lot deeper then I thought it would.

I've got to run, I just saw on the news that there is a fire across the street from E's friend's house!!

Holy crap, how scarry would that be!

Babyproofing

Why is it that no matter how many toys Dominic has around him he still manages to find the thing that is bad for him? First it was the cord to a fan we have. He was munching away at it happy as could be. After I moved him over to his toys, my dad called about Easter plans and then I called E to let him know. I was away for about three minutes total and when I got back D was chewing on SOLDER! Great, now I have to watch him for lead poisoning. I don't think he actually ingested any of it, but who really knows. I rinsed his mouth out and he thought it was funny and bit my finger. He's growing up way too fast.

So my chore for the week it to crawl around and clean up any thing that D could get into while on his flipping journeys.

I never realized how dangerous our house can be!

A room with a view

My neighbors are about the sweetest, kindest, funnest (?) neighbors we have ever had. We all get along so well and enjoy hanging out together. They have a huge above ground pool that they put up in the summer and last year it was in their back yard, where it was private. Since then they have planted grass and decided that they don't want to crush their beautiful lawn, so they are putting the pool on their side yard. Yup, the side that faces us. From where I'm sitting right now at my desk, I can see the perfect circle of sand that the pool will be sitting on.

I think that my problem is that I feel like I'm invading their privacy by sitting in our office. While they were putting the sand down I totally avoided looking out the window because I felt rude. And they were fully clothed at the time, what's going to happen when they are half nekkid and wet?

It's bad enough that I'm jokingly referred to as Mrs. Kravitz by my husband because I'm always looking out the window at what's going on. Now I really feel snoopy and it's not even purposely! Another thought that crossed my mind is that I wonder if they can see me sitting in here? Will they see me and think that I'm watching them? I don't want them to think that I'm some sort of perverted weirdo that stares at them! Maybe the Office will be turned into the DarkRoom.

On another subject I've made Chicken Cacciatore for dinner and I've never made it before. I hope it turns out. Thank goodness I have such a patient husband. You have no idea how many of my weird meals he eats with a smile!

Happy Tuesday!

Sigh-Time to complain.

I've very disapointed with the car seat I bought. I called the company that makes it and found out that although it can be used as a rear facing seat, it is mostly for front facing. The couple of problems I have with it is: The harness release is so butted up against the back seat that I can't fit my fingers in there to loosen the straps to get D out and sometimes I have a hard time tightening them up because everything is such a tight fit. I tried to loosen the seat, but that didn't work. The next thing I don't like is that there is no lap tray. So when D eventually uses it as front facing he will be just sitting there, out in the open. (I can't really explain it without using my hands to demonstrate, I'm a hand gesturer, big time.) My point is that I'm dissapointed with it and didn't realize the things that I didn't like until I got it into my car. What's even more irritating is that the store I bought it from will only issue a store credit within 14 days so now I basically can only get a new carseat from them because what in the world am I going to do with an $80 store credit? I want the money not the credit. GRRRR!

E has been working overtime this week and going in an hour earlier and staying an hour later. Tomorrow he doesn't have to work overtime but thought he'd go in an hour earlier anyways and get out at 2:30. That sounded great to me, I thought (and told him) that now he could come home early and we could go look at carseats and mess around, go to dinner. He got really quiet and said that that is not how he had intended to spend his time. I know exactly what that means--he wants to come home and sleep. I try to be understanding that he needs his rest, but shit! His sleeping means that I have to tip toe around the house and try to keep D as quiet as possible for hours and hours until he gets up and then he's way to hungry to go out and I have to whip something up quick as possible as he grumpily sits on the couch clutching his tummy. THAT is not how I intended to spend MY Friday afternoon. But what can I do. GRRRRRRRRR!

I'm trying to look for ideas on what I want to do with our back patio this summer. I think I want more of an extended outdoor room. Everything I'm seeing on the internet is way to fancy, I want something more casual. I'll keep looking.

I've got to work tonight. Blech!

Happy Thursday.

Hello for now

I've been neglecting this site for so long! I'm still totally busy lately and feel like I'm not accomplishing much of anything. It took me all last week to recover from our time at the coast; the piles of laundry from the three of us were sky high!

Time has been different now that D only takes one nap instead of two long ones and two tiny cat naps. We've also been letting him roll around on the floor now (he really gets around!) and I'm not confident that my house is very child proof, so I'm constantly watching him closely. I'm worried he'll find something and choke and I won't know until things are too far gone (horrible thought isn't it? I have a very warped mind.)

To top it all off, I do believe he caught something from the neighbor boy when I watched him on Friday. His mom is a young girl (20) and called me on Thursday night and needed someone to watch her son since her mom is out of town. I said that it was no problem, but as soon as he was in the door I knew that D would probably get sick. Buddy's (the boy-I think that's his real name, but I'm too embarrased to ask) nose was running down his face and he kept sneezing all over D's toys. I tried to separate the toys, but kids being kids, they would just reach and play with everything; I even wiped everything with a lysol wipe after he left. Yesterday I noticed that D's nose was stuffed and last night he was crying and didn't want to sleep. I was up with him until 2:3o in the morning until I could take no more. Today his nose is still pretty bad and he doesn't want to eat very much. I don't think he's running a fever, but I'm keeping my eye on him. He's very sweet though--he just smiles and plays and rolls around like my good boy! I hope he's always this calm and good natured.

I installed his new big boy car seat today and soon I will be going to the store and he'll have his first ride in it!

On a side note: am I the only one that loved the show "Wickedly Perfect"? I just totally loved it! But, GAG!, I'm so disapointed that Kimberly won. I even watched her today on the morning show that sponsered the winner and she was not good. I was rooting for either Darlene or Mitch. As usual the one person I can't stand wins again.

Maybe I watch too much TV!