boring, boring, boring

I really have nothing to report so far...sometimes life is so dull it hurts. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining because I know I'll be super busy soon enough, I'm sure!

I've figured out why I got so emotional last week, I did have a huge dose of PMS. I started my TOM today. Usually that would be no big deal, but I haven't had one for two months, probably due to my IUD. I thought I was finally done for the time being (my periods are supposedly supposed to stop all together eventually. Yay!) until I get it removed. Oh well, once every three months is not bad!

I took little D to the doctor today because his eczema is getting so bad on his face it's starting to worry me. Some mornings he wakes up looking like he's been burned. And he itches and itches it. I have to cut his nails super short every three days or so or else he's got little bloody cuts all over his face. Ug! I feel so bad for him. Dr. F gave me some prescriptions and we are going to try soy formula for a while to see if that changes anything. Wouldn't you know it--today his face didn't look nearly as bad has it has in the last two weeks. When I told Dr. F this, she said "Oh no, it looks pretty horrible!". I love her, she's so honest and I like that in a person. Hopefully something will help little D's dry scalely skin.

Well, I need to do grocery shopping today. Yuck. But it needs to be done, and because I wait until the bitter end, all I have in my house is formula and rice cereal and that doesn't sound like a very good dinner to me. :)

I have an idea, if there is anyone out there that reads this little blog, please send me your favorite cheap, easy and yummy recipes. Just post them in the comments section if you will. I would appreciate it sooo much!! I am so tired of the same ol' stuff I always make and I would love to make something different.

Thank you in advance, and I can't wait to try something yummy!

I'll be back

I haven't been on the internet much these last few days because it is a time warp for me. I find that I get on and I'll stay on for hours. So I have been avoiding the computer so I can get things accomplished.

Hopefully my friend will be by in a bit then we'll be heading out for dinner. I've got to work the next couple of days, so I probably won't post again until Monday.

Happy Weekend.

better

I'm so much better today. I had a little more energy this morning than I've had in a while, even though I still got up way too late (10:15). I still have dreams of getting up early and accomplishing so much, but I can't seem to do it.

E and I had a talk yesterday and we've decided that we will start talking nice to each other instead of snapping like rabid dogs and if I ask him nicely to do something, that he will comply. We also agreed that we would show each other more respect. He won't rub it in that I only work out of the house 2 days a week and he will respect what I do in the home if I respect that he works all day and treat him nice when he gets home. I feel like these are fair and I will do my best to work this out. We figured out that we love each other, have huge amount of trust for each other and think that the other is a great parent, but we just don't get along. How can this be?

Well, I have so much I still need to do because I spend too much of D's nap time surfing the net instead of housewife duties, so I must get.

low

I feel like I'm in a severe funk right now. I'm just feeling like such a big time loser, just a stupid idiot. I don't know if it is depression, really or just tremendous PMS, but I feel lousy.

I'm feeling like my marriage is slowly coming apart, and no matter how I try, I can't muster up the strength to fix it. I'm just too tired to be patient and kind anymore. Sometimes it seems that no matter how nice I ask for help, I'm just getting more and more disrespect. Yes, E will come in and tell me how nice the house looks but then he proceeds to spread his shit everywhere. When I ask him to pick up after himself, he tells me that I have all day, HE has to work.

You don't know how badly I just want to pack a bag for me and for Dominic and just run away to Arizona, where I have family that loves me, that loves each other and where I'll feel like I have some sort of support. My dad and I havn't talked for such a long time, I guess we're officially "estranged" and my mom has her husband to deal with, he doesn't allow her to have a lot of time away from him. Then there's E, and we seem to be slowly growing apart every day. The only thing is that he is a good and loving daddy, and I don't want to take D away from that. That would be unfair to him.

The other part of my funk is that I feel like I'm so stupid all the time. I try to give D a bath and proceed to bonk his head and drench the bathroom with water. I try to keep the house clean, but don't do a good enough job, because it is always a mess. I want to lose weight, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. I want everything to be just right and perfect, yet it just blows up in my face. I see all the ways I want to be better, however I can't seem to grasp those goals.

I don't know. I think that I just feel lonely. I think that when you have only yourself to hang out with you tend to grow pretty tired of yourself.

I'm hoping that all these crappy feelings will work themselves out the closer to summer we get. I'm thinking that a lot of this has to do with the short days and overcast weather. I tend to get down every winter.

paycheck

E just told me that my paycheck was deposited already. That left a little worry in my mind that I'll be fired when I go in tonight.

I've been fired from so many jobs that I always think that. But why would my check be so early?

Now I have a tummy ache!!

surprise, a tooth!!

Little D has gotten his FIRST TOOTH!! Yay!

I have been waiting and waiting for this day to come as he's been drooling and biting everything he gets into his hands for about a month now. I would check every so often but since I don't like to put my fingers into his mouth (I'm afraid I'll give him germs, and it makes me mad when others just stick their fingers in his mouth. I just don't know how to ask them to stop without sounding like a bitch!) I would only visually check and see nothing.

Yesterday he was super crabby, not really crying and not really too fussy, just cranky, laying there with a scowl on his face seeming like he wasn't happy. The last two nights he did cry pretty hard, but I figured it was just because he didn't want to go to sleep. Yesterday, I gave him a chew toy and I swear I thought he was going to put a hole in it with his gums. I said to him "Good thing you don't have teeth, you'd burst that, ha ha!". Well this morning I happen to catch a glimps and felt it with my finger. Sure enough, little rough white edges poking through his gums.

I've been watching for horrible all day crying and fever but nothing like that ever happened. I tell you, he is the best baby. He's so good natured and happy, hardly ever cries. He surely didn't get that from me!!

I'm trying to get a picture of it but he squirms away. He's sleeping now, so I might try again.

I'm such a proud momma right now!!!

Tulip festival, April 2002 

fresh air

Even though it is winter here in the great NW, it is pretty warm, if you consider 62 warm. I think I'll take the boy for a walk today.

As a matter of fact, E just sent me an e-mail telling me that it is going to be 66 and sunny (looking out side, I doubt the sunny part) and he thinks a walk is definitely in order. He thinks that's why D has been quite cranky. He might be right.

I can't wait until spring. Last year I missed so much with going to x-ray school and then being on bed rest, but this year I want to make up as much as I can. Even though I'm working weekends, hopefully E will take off a Friday or two and I'll get a day off here and there and we'll get to hike around the beautiful falls, or go to the tulip festival (my fave) and just enjoy how wonderful it can be around here.

Oh, I can't wait.

Hurry Spring!

I need a routine

I have got to get some sort of a routine going.

I say this to myself every day. I would like to stay up when I see E off for work at 6:15 so I can feed D, and do my chores and my treadmilling. Then I would be done and the rest of the day would be for playing guilt free.

Right now I go back to sleep and I'm getting up later and later. The worst part is that when I do finally get out of bed I feel yucky; my back is all stiff, my head is groggy. I don't know how I can manage to stay out of my warm, cozy bed. I have to think of something.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

D woke up screaming at about 3:30 last night. He had erped up some formula and it got in his nose and sinuses. It took me 5 minutes to find one of the three nose suckies. Even poor E got up to help me. Finally we found one and I cleaned D up and rocked him to sleep in my arms. I've forgotten how much I love when he sleeps so sweetly in my arms. For just a moment I missed the nighttime feedings. The quiet and the closeness.

Then I came to my senses! :)

get in order

It is time for me to get off my lazy butt and get this house in order like it was before Christmas. There was a week or two then that all I had to do is get up and do the basics. Just pick up a little. But now it seems my house is a never ending pig sty and I'm so tired of it.

I was loosely following Flylady and had even put together a 'control journal', but got lazy and unmotivated as the holidays got closer, but I dug it out and hopefully it will help me get on track.

We got some end tables, a coffee table and some nice lamps from my mom and now our house finally looks complete and not like a batchelor pad. Very nice. Now I just have to get it to that always-clean-for-the-most-part-stage and I can truly enjoy my home.

For today, I will need to get the front room and TV room dusted and vaccuumed, sweep and straighten up the dining area and kitchen. Doesn't sound too bad!

Here I go! Happy Monday!

sunday

Ahhh, my 2 day work week is over and I was planning on getting cozy with E on the couch with a couple of episodes of 24, our new favorite passion.

The Blockbuster by my work doesn't carry the 5th disk. So I asked the clerk if he could check other stores and he was kind enough to call the BB by our house. Much to my dismay, they don't carry the 5th disk either!! The clerk said that that may mean none of the stores will have them. "Wha...? How can that beeeeee!" I started to wail at the young boy behind the counter, then realized it was not his fault and said thank you and left with a tear in my eye (litterally, I don't know why I'm so emotional). How can we watch the first 16 episodes and then just end it there? Or skip vital information on those 4 missing episodes? It's just not fair!!!!

So my mission for tomorrow is to find the missing disk. Oh Jack, I will find you.

Plans have changed for tonight, I will give D a bath, change the sheets, pick up my room and get cozy in my clean bed with the little tv and something good to read.

Sounds good to me!

'night

damn it!

I had a long entry about how wonderful motherhood and little D is and it got lost. PooP! I'll have to post it again some other time.

playing all day

I have been playing around on the internet and with little D all day, neglecting my house work and huge piles of laundry. I thought that once E went back to work after his 10 day vacation that I would jump back on my routine and my house would once again be that well organized, clean and cozy palace (was it ever?) that I love so much.

Ha, I have been so lazy.

I've been learning how to use Hello (see picture in below post) and I am reminded of how computer illiterate I can be. It took me forever to post that single, yet adorable, picture. Isn't my little sweetie so kissable?

I do have a couple of questions for any blogspot users out there that my come across this site: Can I add a counter to this site? and: Is there an easier way to find out if I have comments?

Any help would be much appreciated!

Now!!! I...must...get...off...computer!!!!!!

my new ducky tub 

Mondays rambling

Well, Saturday ended well. Let's just say we made up and it was a lot of fun!

I work on Saturdays and Sundays and I haven't really talked to the other staff. Not that I don't want to or that they are not nice, I just usually stay in my own area (I do lab and x-ray for the Urgent Care and I'm the only one in the department on weekends) and mind my own business. But I got board and ventured out on Saturday and started talking to the receptionist, who is also a stay at home mom during the week. We got to talking about how I tried to get a hold of someone from the local Mom's Club a few months ago and she told me that she used to be the vice-president. What a coincidence! She told me how the club was and what they do and even called the new vice president to tell her about me!

While I really appreciated all that, now I'm worried not to call. I don't want them to think I'm a flake, but I am somewhat over protective of Dominic. I guess my main worry illness. I know, I should probably be exposing him a little and he has proven to be quite a strong little boy, so maybe I'll just call sometime this week and talk to the VP and see what she has to say. I am excited to meet other mothers and have some adult conversation. I can tell that my social skills are starting to disolve, I'm not as quick witted and receptive as I used to be.

Well, my little one is in need of a bath, food and a nap, so I guess I should get off my but and get busy.

Happy Monday!

pitching a fit at the local Outback

A couple of months ago we got a $20 coupon for the Outback because we couldn't get seated one evening. There is some rule that only one server can have 4 tables at a time and we were offered a seat in the bar. It would have been ok, but we had Dominic with us, so we asked to sit in the dining area and they said no. We left and I called the next day. Why couldn't we sit in the dining area? The manager agreed and we were sent the certificate. Yay!

About a month ago we were gunna go, but we got in a fight and decided that we'd rather spend our date night away from eachother, so that was a bust.

Tonight, my MIL took the boy and were decided that we would go use our certificate. Yum, they do have the best Bloomin Onion and dippin sauce! We got there and it was a 45-55 minute wait. We waited and waited and I got more and more agitated because gobs of people were leaving and no one was calling us. Finally a group of people came in and told the girl "We called ahead" and got right in. WTF...I didn't know you could call ahead and get right in!!! or I would have done just that. Well, this whole time I was bitching and E was trying to calm me down, being his nice self, but I wouldn't have it. He finally gave up. He gave the little 'bugger' back to the girl and walked away after about 40 minutes of my bitching and nasty talk. I followed and screamed at him the whole way to the car and home.

Why? I have no idea now. I just felt that I should not have had to wait that long, I guess. I must have cried about an hour over the whole ordeal. Then I realized that E was right, I made the whole situation so much worse with my complaints and bitchy attitude.

I'm beginning to realize that I make the worst out of most situations. I'm such an angry and uptight person all the time and when things don't go my way I blow up! I feel sad that I ruined our night out. Why couldn't I just have gone walking hand in hand with my hubby and let him put me in a good mood? Why couldn't I have just been calm? I don't know. I didn't like how mad I got. It worried me. I'm not sure of what to do about it, but I guess I need to figure that out before I get out of hand and act like a baby again.

I apologized to E and hopefully the rest of the night will go smoothly.

Geez, I sure feel like shit, though.

all good things must come to an end

I've basically just ended my other blog. It makes me so sad. All the history there, all the people I've met.

I want to cry.

something more positive...

Little D is cracking me up. He's growing so fast! He's trying to roll over and I just want to go over and help, but I'm letting him do it on his own. He gets his legs and tummy over, but he doesn't know to flip the bottom arm out of the way.

Ok, so I helped him a little.

Another thing he loves to do is blow raspberries. You have to be careful when you pick him up because you'll get a face full of baby spit. My mom was holding him the other day and when she handed him back, she was just wet with drool. It was kinda cute.

Well, I'm off to play and read. My favorite time of day.

why I don't like to watch the news

Anymore, the news is just depressing and most of the time it makes me angry. I feel badly for the tsunami victims and I can't believe what they are going thru, but that's not what I'm talking about.

Two things that are pissing me off (and the day has just begun): Hurting children. Why in the world would someone become a foster parent only to starve, beat or harm the children in any way? Money, maybe. How much do you get to become a foster parent? Is it that much that you would hurt another human? And all these guys having sex with minors. Everyday they show a picture of some asshole who has had sex with a child. It makes me disgustingly sick to hear about it. Some of the stories that are reported are just beyond belief. I can't write the details down, that is how much they disterb me. You know what I say? Chop their hands off. Sure, chopping off their penis would be good, but you can't see the damage, and a woman doesn't have one to chop off, so I think the hands would be best. If you hurt a child your dominant hand goes, if you sexually abuse a child, both hands go. (this is why I'll never be ruler of the world)

The next thing that is making me mad is this whole Amber Fry crap. Hey Amber, a young woman and her unborn child lost their life! Why are you making this all about you? So you had an affair with her husband, do we need to know anymore about it? We've all heard and read about the taped conversations you had with him over and over again, who cares anymore. Get a life and quit trying to gain from another's loss. I truly hope your book flops. You make me ill.

This post is brought to you by Bitchy McBitch.

lazy

I don't wanna clean my house, I just want to lay around and do nothing. But after E going back to work after 10 days off, I really need to get this house in order. It is wrecked.

Ug.

scar of life

I have wanted a tummy tuck for a long time now. I've looked at pictures on abdominioplasty web sites, staring at the amazing pictures of flabby, flappy aprons disappear into tight, sexy tummies all the while thinking that that is exactly what I want! Sexy, flat abs that I could show off! No more flapity belly when I run for something! This has been a major discussion between E and I and we agreed that when the time was right and I had finally lost the weight, we would come up with the money for the surgery to be done.

One day a while ago, while day dreaming of a better body, it hit me that if I get a tummy tuck, they would most likely cut off my c-section scar. I don't want to lose that precious part of me.

There are women out there that I have read about and talk to that feel disappointed that they had a c-section instead of a vaginal birth. They feel like they failed in some way. And while I can appreciate how they feel, I disagree. Man, I gave birth! Maybe they had to cut little D out of my womb instead of me pushing him out, but it hurt and it was scary just the same as a vag birth. The worry that I'd be ok and most of all that my baby would be ok was the same too. I don't feel like less of a mother or less love for my son because I don't have episiotomy scaring or bladder problems (!). I'm fine with the way he was born and it will always be one of the best days of my life.

I don't know if I could lose that scar. It is such a part of me. Sure, no one can see it as it is hiding under my belly and it is so faint that even I can barely see it when I look, but every once in a while the right side of it will ping and itch and it takes me back to that sweet, scary day in May. The day my life changed forever.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll want that flat tummy. But if that time ever comes I know that the decision will be a little more sentimental than I thought it would be.