what a gift!!

Christmas day--what a wonderful day!

My emotions ran overboard all day on that day. I thought it was just premenstrual bull shit, but it was deeper than that.

On Christmas morning, I vowed to myself that I would give my sweet hubby a bitch-free, stress-free day as his main present, as opposed to the holiday stress monster I become every holiday.

We opened gifts, posed little D for pictures, laughed and had a great time being a family. Then we got ready to go to my in-laws for Christmas dinner. We needed to pick up an extra gift, left the house, forgot the pies (I actually laughed at that!) and to grandmother's house we went!

Dinner was wonderful (my mom-in-law is a great cook), there was an upset nephew due to some green beans on his plate, but other than that, it was all so very nice.

After dinner we opened gifts. E opened our gifts and since D was asleep, I got to open his. Woo Hoo, did he get some great toys! Toys are so much better these days, let me tell you! Fancy blocks that moo, coo, whistle and hum, a Leap Frog music station, and a blanket my MIL made that was sooo soft, I wanted to wrap up in it for a long winters nap. It was beautiful. He got some great stuff!

Between opening D's presents, E handed me a calendar and said "Hey Jae, look at this." As I flipped thru the calendar, the last year progressed before my eyes. His dad had compiled pictures thru the year and made them into a collage calendar. It showed E, me, my dad and his wife and my in-laws at the garlic festival last spring. It showed our new home, my mom at my baby shower, and just such wonderful memories that had happened through out the year. Each of the kids (E has an older and younger sister) got their very own personalized calendar with people that mean so much to them in it. They are amazing.

What struck me most was little D. Just looking at pictures of him when he was so tiny took my breath away. There are pictures of him in that calendar that make my heart ache. Every single one of him being held by his Auntie Mel is just pure love. D would barely open his eyes for us at that time and there he is staring face to face with his beautiful aunt. There is also another picture of D being held by his Papa (my FIL, who is a big man, not fat, but 6'5"), and little D is so tiny sweet in his Papa's hands.

I had tears in my eyes for hours. When we finally came home, I lost it. I cried hard for such a long time because in all honesty, I have been waiting for bad news for seven months. I have been waiting for someone to say that there is a problem with D. But there is not. The eval has cleared him. His numbers were great. He is progressing so wonderfully, and watching him interact with everyone made me realize that my little boy is wonderfully perfect. He's strong, happy, healthy and most of all, not the scary tiny baby that I have been waiting for (for Pete's sake, he inflamed my carpel tunel while I was carrying him in his carrier!!). I think I cried because I let go of some of that apprehensive wariness that I have been harboring. It was good to let it go.

My son is the best gift I could ever wish for. He lights my heart and soul. He brings me joy and a purpose in my measly life. He makes me so glad to be living.

he's awesome

Baby boy just had his doctors appointment to evaluate his growth. He is doing wonderful. The physical therapist said that she would never believe how premature he was just by looking at him. She evaluated his cognative skills as 75% and his motor skills as 80%! That is so wonderful.

Sometimes I do get concerned because he was born so early. It is so important for the baby to be in the womb in the last trimester, not only nutritionally, but physically, and since baby D didn't get that I worry that he'll grow up with dissabilities, or at least develemental delays. But both the PT and doctor said not to worry, he's just fine and strong and big and healthy and wonderful. That makes momma smile so big.

On a different note--how come the more I want to lose weight, the more I eat??? GRRRR!

it's about me

First thing I must confess is that I am not a writer. I didn't pass English in school, my grammar sucks as does my spelling, yet I am compelled to write. I love, love, love to read and so I thought that since I'm such a great reader, I could write, right? Wrong. So bear with me and keep in mind, I'm no English teacher.

I have started several blogs in the past weeks and not one has seemed right to me. I have a diet blog somewhere out there, but it became a chore to update. It is hard to update failure after failure, how bad my eating has been, how I have no motivation for exercise. Who wants to read about that all the time? I also felt as though I had guarded a lot of my life and to bring it out at this point would make me look hypocritical or at the least, weird.

So here I am starting over. This is not a diet blog or a mommy blog but an everything blog. A serendipity blog, if you will. A chance to discover myself by just going thru life. A chance to watch myself grow and change into a stronger and happier person.

a lot of us

I think 'serendipity' is such a lovely word. The definition is awesome (see side bar), and it just makes me light-hearted to think of it. Unforutunatly, I am not alone in this. There are many more serendipity blogs than I thought there would be. I even had to put a little '1' in my blog address because of it. Oh well, it's tough being hip and mainstream. :)

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